Anyone who has ever incidentally been part of a court case knows what a hurry-up-and-wait, often worthless waste of time it can be (and often is).

Still, we feel obligated when a lawyer tells us we can help a case, no?

OP’s gun was stolen from his apartment several years ago.

About 2 and a half years ago my apartment was broken into during a camping trip. Some things were stolen, including multiple firearms.

A year and a half ago one of my firearms was found with some kids selling crack in a small city right over the border of the next state.

When the responsible parties were brought up on charges, they asked him to appear.

The plea deals fell through and the girl the cops had initially mentioned was going to trial. I receive a letter in the mail telling me of the court date and location, but it is explicitly NOT a summons.

Whatever, I want my gun back sooner than later, so I go.

Both the prosecutor and the assistant prosecutor are out sick, one with covid. They make us hang around for a while for no reason and eventually I just leave, they didn’t like that, but whatever, being there was legally voluntary.

I tell them they can mail me the new date and I’ll deal with it then.

And then again.

3 weeks go by and here we are this morning, I get home from work and I check my mail.

There are 2 letters, one for the first girl, and another’s for a guy I know just as an accomplice from the updates about the girl. His trial is today, and hers is tomorrow.

I go to the courthouse 40 minutes away and let them know I’m here, everything is fine. They bring in the jury pool and spend 2 hours getting down to 7 jurors.

The trial starts and we’re just patiently waiting, 4 cops and 1 other civilian victim/witness. They tell us no worries, this will be super quick, they basically just need to ask if it’s the firearm I reported stolen and I’ll be on my way.

They call in all the cops, who are getting paid this whole time, first. It’s now 1pm. I’ve been up for 24 hours, on 3 hours of sleep the day before, after working a 12+ hour overnight shift.

My entire body is cramping, I’m super uncomfortable, I’m exhausted. I last ate at 10pm. The assistant district attorney comes out and tells us they’re taking an hour lunch break.

The set of circumstances made it difficult for him to remain there.

I tell her I can’t stay and I need to leave.

She tells me I’m not allowed to, I already presented as a witness to the judge, I’d been summoned (I hadn’t), they can charge me with this or that, one of the cops tells me they could detain me, the judge could order me (after I point out I haven’t been summoned and again, this is voluntary).

Basically they try and strong arm me when all I want to do is go home.

But the prosecutor threatened him with all manner of crime and punishment if he left.

I point out that this guy isn’t even who I was told was found with my gun. The assistant DA starts explaining how oh no, he totally was, i don’t know who you heard that from (my local PD mentioned the girl by name originally), giving me all these details about the case.

Then reemphasizing, I really MUST stay, or I’ll be charged with a crime.

Don’t worry though, we’ll get you in right away, so you can leave soon (soon being in more than an hour, minimum).

Here’s the thing, the judge issued a sequester order first thing in the morning before jury selection. I say fine and wait.

Here comes the single greatest act of malicious compliance I’ve ever committed in my life.

So, after he promised to tell the truth he did exactly that.

All the attorneys come in, all the jury comes in. The judge makes me swear to tell the truth. I do.

As soon as I finish, I blurt out the prosecutor broke the sequester and was telling me about the case during the break. STOP.

Everyone, except the lawyers out. Including me. Eventually They bring just me back in.

No one was happy.

The judge again makes me swear to tell the truth, confirms I understand what’s happening, tells me the importance of a fair trial (maybe don’t witness tamper then?), and explains that witnesses are never to volunteer information and are to only answer the questions.

You’ve been summoned and it’s a legal obligation. I let him finish and mention that I have NEVER been summoned.

He says “Then I’m ordering you, understood?” Yes.

Yet, he continued.

Everyone comes back in. We all take our oaths again. The prosecutor that was threatening me starts asking questions.

Here’s the thing, I swore to tell the truth. I never agreed to tell it in a way that makes her life easier. She asks me some basic questions, name age, what I do for work etc.

Then she gets into the actual questions, do I own weapons, did I report any stolen around this date, did I own one of this model, did I report this model stolen etc.

“is this your gun?”

“it certainly looks like it”.

“Did the XXXX police contact you when it was recovered?”

“no”

“Who did?”

“YYYY police department” (my local pd).

“Did they give you any details regarding how it was recovered?

“They said it was allegedly used in a crime by girls name”

Defense objects, and the judge strikes that from testimony. By now the DA is realizing that she’s giving me too much leeway and starts asking for yes or no answers, eventually asks if I’d recognize the serial number if I saw it.

I tell her no, and that roughly sums up my questions from her.

Then it’s the defendant’s turn, and it goes exactly as you would expect by now.

I answer truthfully, but in favorable wording.

“You said it looks like your gun, but you can’t confirm?”

“I’d need to compare the serial number against the police report or the gun shop which still has it on record”

“Do you know who stole your firearm?”

“No”

“Do you recognize zzzz?”

“No”.

She asked a few more plausible deniability questions and then I was free to go.

He’s not sure how things turned out because he never went back.

I can’t wait to be back tomorrow for the girl’s trial. I’ll probably be much less malicious, but I know the DA will be nervous when she sees me.

Court is officially over so the sequester order is no longer in effect, good times, and don’t worry, if I botched her case in this regard, that kid had more than enough charges, he should have taken the plea deal.

Reddit is ready to commiserate, I bet!

The top comment says the prosecutor was way out of line.

This person says they would have just gone to sleep.

Absolutely relatable.

The prosecutor picked the wrong person on the wrong day.

He could have gone further with the truth-telling, actually.

I am excited that potentially, I’ll never have to go to court again.

Of course, you can never tell what tomorrow holds.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a customer who insists that their credit card works, and finds out that isn’t the case.