In many Mexican families, 15-year-old girls celebrate their birthday with a huge party called a Quinceanera.

In today’s story, a Hispanic woman who describes her children as “Americanized” doesn’t want to have a Quinceanera for her daughter, but her ex (the girl’s dad) is pushing to have the traditional celebration.

She’s not sure what she should do.

Let’s see why she’s hesitant to have a Quinceanera for her daughter.

AITA for telling my daughter’s father that I will not be doing a Quinceanera for her?

Background: I’m 35(F) and have a 13(F) daughter who wants a Quinceanera and I’m not comfortable spending that much money on one event.

I’m a Hispanic woman who was born in the US, so I’m not a traditional Mexican and my kids are Americanized.

Here’s where the issue comes.

She doesn’t take any money from her ex.

My daughter’s father (36) who lives with his mom, pays nothing in child support because he’s in debt(owes IRS/credit card debt).

I pay everything for my daughter (school activities/sports/hobbies/clothes/trips) you name it, I pay.

I don’t ask her dad because he’s already paying child support for another son he has with an ex.

I am fortunate that my fiancé and I make a good income and can afford to be debt free by choosing to make wise money decisions.

I have a full-time job, do contract work on the side, and part-time Masters student at my local University (debt-free).

Her ex is pushing the idea of a quinceanera.

My ex approached me when I dropped off my daughter and said that our daughter wants a Quince and she wants a party where all her family is in one place.

I told him I wasn’t doing a Quince, but I’d throw a party in our backyard and he was invited. Our house is nice and our backyard was done a few years ago and is big.

The other day he said that his cousin had a baby shower at a ranch style and that its $3K for the venue for 250 people.

Her ex wants a much bigger party than she does.

On the phone I freaked because I have a lot on my plate and know how much work it takes to plan an event with a lot of people.

He said his family is easily 100 people.

I have a lot of family too, but I was only planning on only inviting close family and friends.

She really does NOT want to plan a quinceanera.

When I tell him “No this is not a Quinceanera but a party with food and DJ with tops 100 people” he tell me that “I’m starting to really disappoint him”

And I tell him that I have a lot going on and that I can’t plan something that big with all the stuff I already do and that I don’t want to spend a lot of money.

Quinceaneras are a lot when you think of the dress/dolls/walce/damas/band and etc. they are time consuming and a lot of money goes into them.

Her ex is even giving her money to go towards the party.

He gave me $200 the other day and was planning to give me $100 each pay day.

He’s never given me that much money for her since we separated when she was 1.

I have final exams this week and I haven’t been able to sleep for 2 nights thinking of all the stress this is causing me.

Should I give him his money back and tell him that we should each do what we can for her on our own?

He causes me stress and I swear talking to him is pointless because he makes me feel like I’m the bad person.

I say let the ex take the initiative to plan and pay for the Quinceanera. Maybe she could contribute whatever she was planning to spend on the party, but let her ex take on all the stress and additional cost of planning it if it’s really that important to him.

I’m also curious what the daughter thinks about all this. Does she even want a Quinceanera?

Let’s see how Reddit reacted…

What’s most important is what the daughter wants.

This is a good comeback.

He really should be paying child support.

I agree – dad should plan the party.

This is a good point!

First, she needs to talk to her daughter.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.