Marriage isn’t always easy, but as long as both partners are working together toward shared goals, it can be very rewarding.

What would you do if your husband kept saying that he wanted kids, but he never contributed to any housework and just played video games all day, so you know that all the responsibilities of a child would fall to you?

That is the situation that the wife in this story is in, so she is refusing to have kids with him. Now, she has decided to completely stop caring for the house or her husband to see if he will step up, but so far, he hasn’t.

Personally, I can completely understand why she would be so frustrated. These two need to work through their issues, and he needs to grow up, or their marriage will never work.

AITAH for refusing to put effort in my marriage

I (28 F) have been married to my husband (27 M) for a few years.

That is an awful diagnosis.

Three years ago, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I have been incredibly supportive, and clinically, he is doing fine.

He holds down a decent-paying job, but I earn more than him. About a year ago, we bought our first home.

Lots of people are obsessed with video games, and it really isn’t healthy.

​The problem is that my husband is incredibly passive and lazy, and he uses his diagnosis as a shield. He goes to work, comes home, and then obsessively plays video games for hours.

That is it. He does not clean unless I explicitly nag him, he cannot cook, and he has no passion for anything outside of his screen.

This is not good for him, and definitely not good for her.

​I recently realized I have completely taken on the role of his mother. I handle the yard work, the cooking, the cleaning, and the mental load.

When we bought our house, I did 100% of the work—met the realtor, filled out the paperwork, planned everything. He just showed up.

Having kids isn’t going to fix any problems.

It’s so bad that when his brother recently asked him a basic question about the home-buying process, my husband had literally no idea how we even did it!!!

​Lately, he has been obsessively insisting that we have kids. I strongly want children, but I have firmly refused to have them with him.

It is awful to be married to someone with whom you don’t want to have kids.

If we have a baby, I know I will be stuck being pregnant, making every adult decision, working my long hours (with a 1-hour commute), and doing all the childcare while he plays games.

​To give him a chance to prove he could step up, I gave him two challenges:

Well, he doesn’t even want to put in any effort.

​I asked him to help with some weeding on his day off this week (Friday-sunday). The weekend is over; he didn’t touch the yard and just played games.

​I told him he was responsible for cooking for one month to show he can contribute. We are in week two and he hasn’t cooked a single thing.

Hopefully, this will make him realize what is going on, but I doubt it.

​Because of this, I’ve completely stopped caring and “dropped the rope.” I started cooking only small portions for myself and refuse to share with him.

I left the yard work. The kitchen is a mess and the house is starting to stink. He finally put a few dishes in the dishwasher tonight, but I feel entirely checked out. I refuse to remind an adult of his basic duties anymore.

Who wouldn’t feel resentful in this situation?

​I feel massive resentment. I’ve felt guilty because he supported us financially for two years while I was a full-time student, but back then, the dynamic was fair—he worked, and I handled the schooling AND 100% of the housework.

Now, I work long hours, make $30k+ more than him, and I’m still expected to do everything.

He really sounds awful.

Even for my birthday, after telling him exactly what I like (flowers/spa gifts), he waited until the last minute and bought me an $8, tiny bottle of Jergens lotion from walmart.

​I feel like I’m raising a child, not living with a partner. I want out.

How she is acting is understandable.

​AITA for giving up, letting the house go to mess, and refusing to have children with him?

It is totally understandable how she is acting, but it isn’t likely to get her what she wants. If he is unwilling to change, they need counseling or a real ultimatum.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a stepmom who says stepson isn’t doing enough, despite the fact that he’s working 12-hour shifts to pay for his own college.

Read on to see what the people in the comments suggest.

Yeah, I think this commenter is spot on. She just needs an excuse to leave. If she is honest, she already has more than enough excuses.

Her passive-aggressive behavior is a bad idea. It won’t change him, but it will hurt her.

I think this is a smart move.

This commenter says not to have kids with him.

Even if he stepped up and helped around the house for now, it is unlikely that it would last very long. He doesn’t seem interested in growing up or changing at all, so she needs to decide what she wants to do about it.

Sadly, many young men these days never really grow up. If she isn’t happy with how things are going now, she needs to make a change. Just joining him in his laziness won’t help.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man whose celebratory post-grad school vacation is being ruined by his family’s insistence he’s being lazy.