She Co-Owned the Condo, but Her Husband Made Every Renovation Choice Without Her Input
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Imagine being an extrovert and being married to an introvert. If you needed to deal with contractors, neighbors and insurance in order to get some renovations done on your condo, would you take the lead since you’re more social, or would you make sure your spouse is involved in the process and the decisions?
In this story, one man is in this situation, and he doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong by making all the decisions. He seems to think that his wife doesn’t need to be included since she’s introverted, but he makes sure to keep her in the loop about what has been decided.
Obviously, she’s not on board with this and feels like he’s leaving her out of the decision making process, which he is. It’s her condo too!
Is she right to be upset, or is her husband right to tell her that she’s overreacting?
Let’s read the whole story to decide.
AITA for not including my wife in decisions with contractors?
Context: My (34M) wife (33F) and I purchased a condo together two years ago and are still getting to know our neighbors (due to the pandemic).
Last week, a pipe burst in our unfinished basement, leading to extensive damage. We had to get the property manager involved and call in contractors to replace the entire water pipe to our unit, since they couldn’t identify where the leak had happened.
The contractors had to go through our driveway, which caused a lot of damage, but they’re now repaving our driveway.
Due to the nature of living in a condo, all of our neighbors know what’s going on and have been closely watching the proceedings in case the same happens to their units.
He explains why he knows his neighbors better than his wife.
Current situation: So here’s my dilemma.
My wife is very introverted; even though she’s lived in this condo for longer than we’ve been together, she still doesn’t know everyone here because she was in grad school and studying.
She’s an academic, while I work with contractors and healthcare providers.
I’m also very outgoing and enjoy talking to my neighbors.
I’d feel left out if I were his wife.
So, with everything happening on our unit, I’ve been the one dealing with the contractors, answering neighbors’ questions, and communicating with the property manager and condo board.
My parents also came over and threw out the damaged items while my wife and I were out, and they didn’t ask us first before throwing things out.
My wife feels left out and says that she should’ve been asked before things were thrown out and decisions were made, because her name is also on the deed. She said the contractors and I ignored her throughout the process.
My wife and I also have a text group chat with one of our neighbors; this neighbor is also in healthcare insurance, so she and I talk about these things a lot, and my wife gets overlooked because she asks simple questions.
His wife is pretty upset.
I say that since I know more about dealing with contractors and am more social, then I can deal with it, although I do keep my wife in the loop about everything that’s decided.
My wife says that while she knows she’s not as well-versed in these things, she still has a say in what’s decided and that she’s ignored whenever she does provide input.
My wife’s upset enough that she’s talking about stepping back completely.
I told her to stop overreacting and that we each have different strengths. This happens to be one of mine. AITA for not involving my wife more in making decisions about renovations?
If he’s more social, it makes sense for him to be the point person to talk to all the various people who need to coordinate the renovations, but it does sound like his wife is out of the loop. I’d be upset if my husband made decisions without looping me in before they’re made. She should be included on any email or text discussions about the situation, and she should’ve been informed before anything was thrown away.
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Let’s see if Reddit agrees.
This person points out a red flag.
Another person thinks his wife should be involved.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a grandson who is tired of driving 5 hours one way to work on his grandparent’s investment property for free.
This would infuriate me if I were his wife.
Another person thinks she should’ve been in the loop on what was thrown away.
This man’s reasoning is messed up. It would be one thing if his wife told him she didn’t want to be involved in the renovations, but she is saying the exact opposite. He should believe her and run every decision by her before making the decision. It’s not just his house. He’s married. They need to make these decisions together.
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