They Named Their Baby After His Late Nephew—But His Parents Cut Off the Entire Family Over It
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Choosing a baby name can be deeply personal, especially when that name is meant to honor loved ones who are no longer here. But one couple’s tribute to two members of their family has now caused a painful rift they never anticipated.
Years after OP’s nephew tragically died, he and his wife decided they wanted to use the boy’s middle name for a future child. The name had even deeper family significance because it originally belonged to OP’s grandfather. They discussed the idea with OP’s brother after a previous pregnancy, and when they finally welcomed another baby years later, they shared their chosen name months before the birth.
Nobody objected…until four days before the scheduled delivery, when OP’s brother revealed that he and his girlfriend were uncomfortable with the choice and had apparently expected to be asked for permission. OP and his wife ultimately kept the name they’d chosen, and now his brother’s family says they’re so hurt by the decision that they’ve cut off contact entirely.
AITA for not changing the childs middle name?
Am I the asshole after my wife and I did not change our child’s middle name after my brother was concerned about us using the same middle name?
Background – Our nephew died in an accident several years ago, his middle name is our grandfather’s middle name. My wife and I tried for and lost a baby shortly after this event, we had discussed using the same middle name in remembrance of our nephew and my grandfather.
After our loss we did mention it to my brother, but he had no opinion on the matter and told us to ask his girlfriend.
Hmmm…
My brother and his girlfriend are in an on-again, off-again relationship with 4 children. His girlfriend actively avoids interacting with our entire family and does not attend any gatherings. We might see her once or twice a year. While we see my brother and the kids at all family gatherings.
After several years my wife and I were surprised with another baby. Again, we decided on using the same middle name and after a few first names we told our families a few months before the birth. My brother was present and acknowledged the name.
Months passed and at a gathering where his girlfriend is present, my wife in private asked if she had been told the name we had chosen. She said my brother had not said anything. My wife told her, and she did not comment on it.
Uh oh…
Four days before the scheduled delivery, my brother wanted to talk to me. He came over, talked about random things for a few hours then awkwardly apologized followed by informing me he and his girlfriend were taken off guard by our middle name choice.
He went on to tell me they were hoping one of their kids would use the name with their future children, and/or we would have formally asked permission from them to use the name.
He did not ask me to change the name but continued to state his concerns. I asked if a name change was the expectation and he said only if we had a backup name ready. He then went home.
Interesting response.
I spoke to my very pregnant wife about my brother’s concern and got the expected answer, “We are not changing the name.”
My wife then informed me that a new baby in the girlfriend’s family was also using the middle name and that she had posted all over social media about how honored they were about it.
Four days later a beautiful baby was born, and we used the name we had chosen.
How wonderful.
Naturally, we heard from many family members after the birth announcement.
The girlfriend messaged my wife to let us know they were disappointed in our decision to not change the child’s middle name followed by the same statements my brother made during our prior conversation and how we had not considered their feelings about the name even after my brother had asked us to change it.
They decided to go no contact with our entire family (again), and expect an apology from us for not changing our child’s middle name.
Commenters overwhelmingly landed on NTA, with many arguing that nobody gets permanent ownership over a family name, even when that name carries an enormous amount of grief and sentimental meaning.
Readers sympathized with OP’s brother and his girlfriend over the loss of their son and understood why hearing his middle name used again could bring up complicated emotions. But commenters also pointed out that this wasn’t a name unique to their child. It belonged to OP’s grandfather as well, giving OP his own meaningful connection to it and his own reason for wanting to pass it down.
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The timeline also mattered. OP had raised the possibility years earlier, his brother knew the chosen name months before the birth, and the girlfriend herself was later told directly without voicing an objection. Waiting until four days before delivery to reveal that they expected the couple to reconsider struck many readers as deeply unfair.
The revelation that another baby on the girlfriend’s side had already been given the same middle name, and was publicly celebrated for honoring the late child—made the demand particularly difficult for commenters to understand. If sharing the name was acceptable for one branch of the family, readers questioned why OP and his wife were expected to give it up.
Ultimately, commenters felt OP and his wife didn’t erase or diminish their nephew’s memory by using his middle name. They chose it partly because his memory mattered to them.
This person has a similar situation…but no one cares.
This person says they shouldn’t need pemission.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a friend who is upset they missed out on cheap festival passes due to her pal’s indecision.
And this person says it’s just that: a FAMILY name.
A name meant to honor someone you all loved shouldn’t become the reason a family stops speaking.
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