12 People Who Don’t Want to Get Married Open Up About Why They Feel That Way
Getting married isn’t for everyone…
And some people know that they never want to tie the knot.
Let’s hear from folks on Buzzfeed who talked about why they never, ever want to get married.
1. A facade.
“I don’t want to get married because I think marriage is just a facade of ‘Look how happy and in love I am.’ It’s all about keeping up appearances, with no true substance to the relationship. It’s saying that the romantic relationship you have is more important than any other, and that without it, you’re incomplete.
But that’s not the case — all long-term relationships, whether romantic ones or friendships, are just as important as each other and require the same amount of work and respect. Continuing this false narrative that without romantic married love, a person is incomplete is disgusting and judgmental.”
2. Don’t mess up my routine.
“I have my own routines, and another person gets in the way of that. I also value my alone time and like spending time by myself. My cats are all the company I need, and they are way less demanding than a spouse!
But if I did meet someone and decide to get married, I would definitely need to have my own space and time away from him in order for it to work. We would preferably have to have our own bedrooms. Sleeping in the same bed with someone else always leads to poor sleep quality for me.”
3. Not into monogamy.
“I don’t want to get married because it’s generally viewed as a monogamous thing, and I am not a monogamous creature.
If my ‘number one’ wanted to celebrate our partnership, it could not be recognized by the church and state.”
“I always assumed I’d get married because ‘that’s just what people did.’ But one day, I realized that though I’d always envisioned a wedding, I’d never really envisioned a marriage.
I grew up in a community where the majority of us grew up in two-parent households where one parent worked and the other stayed home. However, I started noticing how everything revolved around the spouse who worked — their money, their schedule, their social circle, their rules. The power dynamic never seemed balanced.
Then, over the years, I witnessed how devastating divorce and d**th were on these families. Their whole lives crumbled because everything revolved around one person. I got jaded and vowed never to put myself into such codependency.
My partner and I have been together for 15 years. We still live separately, we have no intentions of having kids, and none of our finances are tied to one another. It may not be for everyone, but it works for us.”
5. It’s a miserable life.
“I don’t want to get married because married people seem miserable.
Some hide it better than others, but almost every married couple I’ve ever known seems unhappy.”
6. That’s a no for me.
“Marriage seems to really benefit only men. Studies show that married men live longer than single men, but the reverse is true for women — marriage shortens a woman’s lifespan.
There was even a study that showed men sleep better next to their wives, and again, the reverse is true for women. Why would I want to take part in marriage knowing that?
Plus, I’ve seen the struggle of my mother and older sisters with their husbands, who expect them to do the large majority of the housework and child-rearing while still working full time.
Meanwhile, their husbands come home from work and do nothing. It just seems like marriage adds way more work to a woman’s life, and I can’t see that it provides any benefits. It’s a no from me.”
7. Don’t need it.
“I don’t want to get married because none of the most important relationships in my life involve a contract or any form of certification to ensure that they continue, or qualify to the other person how I feel and that I’ll be there for them whenever — these are things that are just understood.”
8. It can get ugly.
“I’ve seen the ugliest side of divorce, and that’s not something I’d ever willingly sign up for.”
“I love my independence! As someone planning to apply to medical school, I can feel confident applying broadly without worrying about someone not wanting to relocate or be in a long-distance relationship.
I have an easier time focusing on my studies living alone without someone expecting time from me that I can’t give. Not only would I not feel that something’s missing if I never marry, but I honestly would be happier being single!”
10. I’ll think about it…
“Because the only way I’m happy in a relationship is if I have my own space to withdraw to when I need space and a separate bedroom, since I sleep very lightly.
If I could have that, then maybe I would consider marriage!”
11. A bad example.
“My parents were terrible role models for marriage. They fought constantly! Even so, in my younger days, I assumed I would eventually get married.
But as a young adult, I witnessed my older friends go through divorce, and I wanted none of that. Most of them were happy after the divorce, but the divorce itself was brutal!”
12. What are the benefits?
“I don’t see a point in getting married, outside of tax benefits, and I could marry a friend for those. Plus, if things go south, the idea of having to separate or divorce only makes that split more prolonged and difficult.
That’s not to say I wouldn’t want a committed, lifelong partnership — just that I don’t want such a partnership to involve getting married.”