September 27, 2022 at 10:05 pm

11 People Talk About When They Were Attacked…by Geese

by Matthew Gilligan

Apparently, geese are not to be messed with…or taken lightly.

I haven’t spent enough time around these feathered fellas, but, by the looks of what these people had to say, geese are DANGEROUS.

Check out what these folks had to say about their run-ins…

1. Chased for blocks.

“Once when I was 12 years old in Alberta, I was riding around on my bike and there were some geese.

I thought that they would move out of the way like other birds, but they didn’t. So I ended up lightly bumping into one and it chased me for 2 blocks!”

2. Run for it!

“I was walking my dog and a goose was laying on the grass on the way to my building— I thought I had enough space to do a big loop around it on the grass…but no.

This thing got up and started chasing me and hissing. I had to do a major detour around three buildings to avoid it.”

3. Geese gang.

“My old college campus was invaded by geese.

They formed a gang and would harass students at random.

It was a perfectly legitimate excuse to be late to class if you said you were attacked.

I saw one trap a grown man in his car once.”

4. Lockdown.

“Two of them ended up inside my high school in Mississauga and the principal came on the announcements to tell us not to leave our classrooms until the staff got the geese out!”

5. Pure evil.

“When I lived in residence in my first year of university, there was a goose that used to hang out just outside the doors to my building. A couple weeks into the school year it started attacking me every time I went outside.

The d**n thing would be chill when everyone else walked out and the moment I went through the door it would charge at me, honking it’s little evil face.

I wound up having to use the back door into the building for a couple of months until Winter. I ~thought~ I was in the clear after that but when Spring hit — guess who showed up outside the doors? The evil cobra chicken himself.”

6. No escape.

“When I was touring Western University they were everywhere!

Two of them were fighting so hard, I thought they were going to k**l each other.

But when our tour stopped to talk about one of the buildings, one of the geese flew through our group and whipped my leg with its wing.”

7. That hurts.

“My daycare was next to a pond, which became a favorite haunt of a flock of geese.

We were terrified of them, because we were perfectly bite-sized and they hunted us.

Sometimes when we went outside we’d hear a kid start screaming and know that the geese got another one. Those b**tards hurt when they bite.”

8. Scaring kids.

“Our small local zoo is ‘home’ to geese every year, and we give their nests a wide berth.

My son was a toddler and wandered a little too close to a goose, and that b**tard started hissing and charging towards him. I stepped between them and yelled at the hell-beast until it backed off.”

9. Close call.

“When I was a kid, my sister and I were beside a river when a goose grabbed a chunk of my sisters hair in its mouth.

I’m not sure how it got so close to us so fast, but I just remember my dad picking us both up from the necks of our jackets and running!”

10. A real hazard.

“Canada Geese are absolute aggressive d**ks.

They are like feathered gangs, and they s**t all over the sidewalks in Lincoln Park which is a slippery, stinky hazard!”

11. The audacity!

“I live on a lake, so you can imagine I’ve had a number of encounters with these beasts.

My favorite is when I was driving and there were two geese crossing the road, so I stopped to wait for them. One of them literally attacked my car.

I mean the audacity is impressive.”

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