April 26, 2024 at 8:29 am

A Friend Gave Honest And Thoughtful Dating Advice When Asked. Now Her Friends Are Demanding She Apologize.

by Trisha Leigh

Source: Reddit/Shutterstock

We all want friends who will be honest with us and who will help us see the ways we are sabotaging our own lives.

However, to be comfortable hearing that message from someone, they have to be a really good friend.

This woman has a “friend” who run in the same circles who is always complaining about her dating life.

I have an acquaintance “Lola” 26F who is single and has been looking for a partner for a very long time.

She is on every dating app and wears white whenever we go out to “manifest a husband.”

I don’t choose to hang out with her alone (you will see why) but she is friends with a couple of my friends and so we hang out in groups a lot together.

When we hang out, she constantly complains about her dating life.

Even if we’re talking about something completely different, she finds some way to make the conversation about her boy troubles.

She has some very specific demands as far as future partner that she does not apply to herself.

Though I avoid direct conversation with her about this, and leave it to others to validate her, it has become abundantly clear why she cannot bag a man.

Lola has a long list of demands, most of which she does not meet.

She wants someone who is ambitious in his career and makes six figures (she works part time and lives with her parents, and doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to move out).

He needs to go to the gym regularly and take care of his body (Lola is overweight and hates exercise).

He needs to play an instrument and be into music (Lola says she has never picked up an instrument in her life).

He has to be over six foot two (Lola is five foot two).

She complains that when we go out no guys approach her, but I’ve seen plenty of guys ask her to dance, buy her a drink, etc and she rejects all of them.

So, when the “friend” asked her for advice as far as bagging a man, she was honest.

I stay quiet when Lola goes on her long, frequent rants, but a few days ago we were at brunch with somen other friends and she asked me specifically for advice.

My fiancée “Jim” is tall, athletic, and ambitious and musically gifted, and she wanted to know how I got him.

I tried my best to explain to her nicely that people tend to choose partners who are similar to themselves.

Jim and I go to the gym together every day, we both are very dedicated to our jobs, and we have a lot of similar hobbies and interests, so we have a lot to talk about.

I told her that if she wants to find a man like that, she should consider applying herself more in her job, going to the gym, and picking up a hobby she wants her partner to have.

Otherwise, she could either date a guy that is interested in her as she is, or be comfortable with being single.

Perhaps too honest.

I thought I was being very polite, but this completely killed the mood.

Lola got really upset and accused me of fat shaming her (even though I never said anything about losing weight–just going to the gym because she wants her partner to go to the gym).

One of my friends told me Lola is worthy and deserving of a great guy and doesn’t need to change herself.

I effectively ended the brunch with what I thought was helpful advice.

Does she owe the “friend” an apology or not?

Afterwards, I got some texts from friends demanding I apologize to Lola, but others supporting me and telling me that I was right and Lola was way too sensitive.

I was trying to help, but would it have been better if I just lied?

Was that an inappropriate thing to say in that setting?

Was it an AH move for me to give that advice?

Reddit is shilling out the advice!

The top commenter says she wasn’t wrong for being truthful.

Source: Reddit/AITA

This person also agrees the friend was begging for it.

Source: Reddit/AITA

They say she might be this woman’s only real friend.

Source: Reddit/AITA

As ever, the truth can hurt.

Source: Reddit/AITA

Some people are very content with their delusions.

Source: Reddit/AITA

This is definitely a no-no.

I would think twice before having this conversation with my very best friend.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.