Celebrities have a certain reputation for being prone to things like drinking, drugs, depression, suicide, and other things that can often lead to an untimely death.

These 16 are still around, though, despite folks expecting them to be jailed or underground by now.

16. It’s sad, really.

Going with a youtube “celebrity”: but Nikocado Avocado, that dude is literally going to eat himself to d**th.

15. Literally a team.

Ozzy Osbourne. I’m truly surprised he lived this long.

There is literally a team of Cambridge doctors who are investigating how Ozzy is still alive. They’ve made arrangements with him to dissect and study his body after death.

14. What a mess.

Bam Margera. Sadly, only a matter of time.

I have been his fan for most of my life, but last night, I unfollowed and blocked him on all social media. Loved the guy, but I just can’t stand to watch him continue to destroy himself and lay blame everywhere else. I just want to keep that image of him young, relatively healthy and making me laugh in my head.

13. It boggles the mind.

Every member of Motley Crue is still alive. How is that possible?

12. Very impressive.

The fact that Robert Downey Jr is not dead and has turned his life around to become super successful in his field is very, very impressive.

11. Still dancing.

I just looked up Dick van Dyke and not only is he 97 years old, he was on The Masked Singer just yesterday! That’s impressive.

They apparently had several dances lined up for his role in the new Marry Poppins and he chose the hardest one because the rest were too easy for him.

10. Not just one night.

I posted Chris Brown elsewhere in the comments and was downvoted with replies stating ‘it was only one night 14 years ago’.

So here is a track record over the last 14 years. If anyone is able to prove otherwise then feel free to reply with the attached evidence.

2009 – Chris Brown Assaulted Rihanna deliberately and purposely.

2011 – When interviewed by Robin Roberts and questioned about his assault against Rihanna he smashed a window and stormed off set whilst visibly aggressive.

2013 – He shoved a woman to the ground at a night club leaving torn ligaments in her right knee. Her name was Deanna Gines, a report was filed.

2015 – He had a third-degree assault report filed after a woman was forcibly ejected from his bus after she refused to give up her mobile phone.

2016 – Brown avoided charges after a woman accused him of punching her in the face and taking her phone in a Las Vegas night club.

2016 – His female tour manager claimed he threatened her with a brutal physical attack.

2017 – His former girlfriend, Karrueche Tran, won a five year restraining order against Brown. Tran shared threatening text and voicemail messages from the singer in court.

2018 – He was detained by the LAPD following a stand-off at his home. A woman had accused the singer of threatening her with a gun after showing up to his home.

2019 – Chris Brown and two accomplices were taken into custody in Paris after a woman filed a report of aggravated rape.

2022 – Brown was hit with a 20 million dollar lawsuit accusing him of drugging and raping a woman on a yacht in Florida. Page Six has reportedly obtained a copy of the lawsuit that allegedly claims the sexual assault happened while Brown and the victim were at a party in Miami in December 2020. The lawsuit allegedly names the victim as Jane Doe who is a professional musician and choreographer.

9. They ain’t going nowhere.

Willie Nelson and Keith Richards are wondering what kind of world Gen Zers are goin to leave them.

8. An understatement.

Charlie Sheen.

That guy has always seemed like an absolute prick to me.

7. He definitely should be.

Andy Dick, though he may be in jail.

Turkey Tom on YouTube did a good video about him that showed me he’s a lot sh*%tier of a person than I realized as a kid.

Definitely recommend people checking it out if you’re not up to date.

6. A life well-lived.

Not dead? Tony Bennett. Guy’s voice was wettin’ panties since the 50’s and the guy just retired from doing concerts last year (is suffering from dementia now). Guy was also out there fighting the Nazi’s in Germany as well. Hell of a life and career that feller.

Hope his eventual passing is smooth, and surrounded by his loved ones.

5. That was a busy year.

Ezra Miller

2020: caught on video assaulting a woman in Iceland.

2022: got into a bar fight in Hawaii

2022: threw a chair at a woman at a private gathering, injuring her

2022: Sheltering a young Native American activist whose parents allege Miller groomed from a young age. Allegedly Miller refers to themself as the ‘messiah’ of Native Americans and the activist as a ‘spider goddess’ and stated their relationship would bring about the apocalypse.

2022: Showed up at a woman’s he had befriended house wearing a bulletproof vest and brandishing a firearm. Displayed behaviour towards the woman’s child that made her ‘uncomfortable’. Referred to the child as a ‘mystic being’. Later showed up to house dressed as a cowboy and tried to buy the child’s horse. Judge granted restraining order.

2022: Miller accused of sheltering a mother and her three children on his farm in Vermont from the authorities. Mother claims her partner is abusive. Authorities attempts at contacting mother are obstructed by Miller and other persons. Witnesses claim that firearms are left in children’s reach and drugs are consumed in their presence.

2022: Miller accused of burglarising home of childhood friend, taking alcohol. Identified by security footage. Miller plead guilty to trespassing in January

Miller released a statement saying they were receiving treatment for ‘complex mental health issues’.

4. A bit creepy.

Dan Schneider..

3. Wait, what?

Henry Kissinger

Satan doesn’t want him yet because he might take over hell.

2. Proof of something.

Gary Busey

He’s living proof that a human body can keep on moving long after the brain has been destroyed.

1. A money laundering scheme.

Steven Seagal.

He’s still making terrible movies that no one watches. And by that I mean less than 100k revenue. It is widely believed these are just a money laundering scheme as many of the people making these movies are known to be part of the gang Seagal works for.

However, the reason it’s surprising Seagal is not dead or in prison include:

Polygamy when he had a wife in Japan and the US while attempting to sleep his way up the ladder in Hollywood.

Three separate alleged sexual assault allegations I know of.

Assaulting a comedian on set.

Running through a fence in an armored car just to get a good shot for the reality show.

Refusing to pull punches on set.

Having suspicious cash revenue streams back when his dojo struggled to stay afloat.

This and the general narcissism and lies resulted in him getting fired from every place he worked except the gang. It is actually believed the gang got him into Hollywood too, as his first role involved a director taking a small pay cut just to let Seagal in (probably bribery). Also, during one feud Seagal threatened one guy by saying he had powerful friends in organized crime, and no one believed him. But the guy threatened got a call from someone who had worked with Seagal and told him Seagal really did work for a gang who was directly invested in Seagal’s Hollywood career.

Money laundering with movies is easy. The many you owe money to is simply hired in some role for a movie and paid some arbitrary amount for little work. The payments do not look suspicious on bank accounts as the pay on movie sets vary a lot as is the amount of work that goes into some movie role. This is why Seagal has spent decades making movies with incoherant plots, shoddy action scenes, and lazy acting.

I think I’d have a hard time arguing with any names on this list.

I also think I could easily add about a dozen more if I had to. A fun exercise for another day!