Most people agree that weddings are meant to be a representation of the bride and groom. It’s their day, so what they say goes – that includes the guest list, the food, and formality, the alcohol (or lack thereof), etc.

Some people don’t specify a dress code while others want everyone in black tie…but what if what they requested made you uncomfortable?

In many cases, you can just decline to attend, but OP found out that when it’s family, things are more complicated.

Their brother is getting married, and they were happy to be asked to stand up with the bride – at least until they were informed that meant wearing a dress.

OP identifies as non-binary and doesn’t like to wear typical female clothing, but after expressing her discomfort to their brother, realized they were not going to change their preference for their wedding.

My brother is getting married in a few months and his future wife recently asked me to be a part of her bridal party. I was thrilled and excited to be included, but then she informed me that the dress code for the bridal party was gender-specific, with women expected to wear dresses and men expected to wear suits.

As someone who identifies as non-binary and is more masculine presenting, I am uncomfortable with conforming to a gender binary that doesn’t accurately represent me.

I brought this up with my brother and his fiancé, but they insisted that they wanted all their guests to adhere to the dress code, regardless of how it made them feel.

They decided to just not attend, but when their mother found out, she lit into them about “setting aside their preferences” for one day to make it special for the bride and groom.

I ultimately decided that I did not want to attend the wedding, as I did not feel comfortable being pressured to conform to a gender binary that doesn’t accurately represent me. My brother and his fiancé are now upset with me, accusing me of being difficult and not willing to compromise.

After a fight with them, I found out they went behind my back and involved my mom. She called me yesterday and told me I can put aside my identity for one day to make the day special for my little brother.

Should OP do just that, or should they stick to their guns?

I now feel bad and didn’t realize something as small as the clothes I feel comfortable wearing would cause a rift within my family.

So AITA for refusing to go to the wedding?

Let’s hear what Reddit has to say about it!

The top comment clarifies that gender expression has nothing to do with a dress code – a nice suit or a nice dress should both be acceptable for all guests.

This commenter agrees that the bride and groom seem pretty out of touch.

This person would like to be friends with OP, who is definitely not at a$$hole.

They say the bride and groom are definitely the ones being rude.

This person thinks it’s simple, really.

The bride and groom are way out of line on this one.

I think I would refuse to attend, and my mother would have some serious amends to make as well.