Choosing where to attend college is a personal decision, and one that almost no one takes lightly. Parents who are invested in their child’s future and are able to make it work plan and go on tours alongside them, probably worrying about money but not as much as they worry about their kiddo leaving the nest.

OP and his wife were no different, attending tours with their daughter on more than on occasion as she narrowed down her choices and then went on a few more visits just to be sure.

So today, my (55M) am returning with my daughter (17F) from a final college visit. We flew. Yesterday, after the visit, we were having lunch and she said she’d made up her mind. I asked which school. She said she’s going to have fun with this and not tell us. I texted my wife and said she had a decision but she wasn’t telling us.

My wife’s comment was we’ve spent a great deal of money with trips, airline fare, hotels, meals, etc. for all of this. We visited multiple schools last spring and after she was accepted at five, she narrowed them down to three, which we’ve now visited.

After her last round of visits, his daughter said she had made a decision…but she didn’t want to share it, just because it was fun keeping a secret.

Today at the airport during the layover she said she thinks it’s fun she got on our nerves about this and doesn’t plan on telling us until maybe the end of the week.

OP said he didn’t think that was going to work long term, since he needed to know how much money he would need, have time to move it around so he could access it, be aware of the particular school’s deadlines, etc.

I explain that I don’t think that’s going to fly as I’m trying to plan on where I’m moving money around for the down payment, etc. we are paying for her undergrad and maybe some grad school if not all of it. She says now I’m just guilting her and she doesn’t appreciate it. I’ve explained I need to plan and that the longer she waits, the housing queue becomes an issue.

Technically she has until May 1st, but the majority of students get in the queue as soon as possible to be considered for the best housing. I get no response and now I’m getting the silent treatment.

His daughter dug in her heels about not telling, and OP sounds pretty baffled as to what he’s supposed to do next.

AITA for asking for this decision? I didn’t threaten anything but I don’t think she understands the ramifications of this decision.

I just don’t understand why I’m the bad guy all of a sudden.

What is Reddit going to make of this one? Let’s find out!

The top comment says he’s not a jerk, but this is a good opportunity for his daughter to learn all actions have consequences.

This person agrees that no matter how hard it might be, kids have to make their own mistakes.

While this person thinks OP just needs to relax the reins a little bit.

Plenty of people with experience confirmed that she could definitely screw herself when it comes to housing by playing games.

This commenter thinks OP definitely needs to let his little girl do some growing up.

I think she does sound like a young 17, but that’s pretty normal.

That doesn’t mean she can’t learn – and it sounds like it’s time.