May 9, 2023 at 2:17 am

Have You Ever Heard The Wedding Rule “No Ring, No Bring?”

by Trisha Leigh

If Reddit has taught us anything, it’s that weddings are an opportunity to glean a person’s true colors – and that way too often, those colors are awfully ugly.

This OP has been in a long-term relationship with his girlfriend – who is also a friend of the groom’s since high school – and they are emotionally solid. He says they are planning to marry eventually but are waiting until they’re in the place they want to be financially before taking that official step.

My (28m) childhood best friend Brad (28m) is getting married in late May to Vicky (26f). A week ago, on Easter I received his wedding invite which only listed my name but not my gf ,Mary (28f). For context, Brad, Mary and I have known each other since high school . We were in the same friend group. Mary and I live around 2 hours away from Brad and Vicky.

Because Mary is a nurse she doesn’t always have the time to visit Brad and Vicky with me so I go alone most of the time but when she’s able she’ll join me.

Mary has met Vicky and seen her around 10 times in the past 4 years that Vicky is with Brad. Mary and I have been together for 6 years total and we do plan on getting engaged and married once we are more financially settled.

When OP’s invitation to his friend’s wedding arrived, only his name was on it – and when he clarified with his friend whether or not his girlfriend was invited, he said no.

The reason? His fiancee was enforcing a “no ring, no bring” rule for plus-ones.

So I asked Brad if Mary is invited and they just forgot to mention her name to which he replied that Vicky is very strict about some rules and in order to cut down costs she’s enforcing a no ring no bring rule for the wedding so since Mary is “just a girlfriend” and doesn’t have a ring to imply some formality then she’s not invited.

OP reminded his friend that he’d been with his girlfriend longer than the bride and groom had been together in this case, and also that the groom was friends with his girlfriend as well.

The friend apologized but deferred to his future wife’s rules. OP talked it over with his girlfriend and decided to avoid future drama by just attending alone.

I reminded Brad that Mary and I have been together longer than he’s with Vicky and that Mary is also his friend not just my partner. He says he knows and tried to talk Vicky out of it but she’s very strict with that.

I let it go and I was in dilemma about whether I should go to the wedding or not because of that. Mary told me she’s not happy about the situation but I should go to avoid more drama.

When he called to accept, though, he ended up getting a weird lecture about commitment from the bride that caused him to change his mind about attending at all.

So I called them to tell them I’ll attend. Vicky picked up the phone and said she’s sorry about making me uncomfortable by not inviting Mary but these are the rules. I said I respect the rules I’m not necessarily happy about it though. She then for some reason started being harsh about how Mary and I are not in a serious enough relationship if after knowing each other for so long and being together for 6 years we are not engaged yet and joked that after all you never know what tomorrow brings and I could break up with Mary anytime since we haven’t shown any signs of true commitment.

I confronted her and told her that it’s not her place to validate Mary and I’s relationship and that it’s really low of her to use a dumb rule just to shame and micromanage long term couples who for whatever reason haven’t gotten married yet. I said I’ll pass after all and not attend the wedding.

Now the people in his life are conflicted on whether or not he was right to pull out.

She and Brad said I’m disrespecting them and their choices by choosing Mary over their wedding day and I said I don’t care. Keep your rules and I’ll keep my relationship because it’s more important than any exclusive rules that only exist in order to shame people.

I’ve been receiving a lot of backlash from other friends for that choice who said I’m an AH for being so bitter about something so small. But to me it’s not small. They invalidated Mary and our relationship.

But what does Reddit think? Let’s find out!

The top comment says the bride is being ridiculous, and someone should tell her that.

Screen Shot 2023 05 05 at 3.43.16 PM Have You Ever Heard The Wedding Rule No Ring, No Bring?

Image Credit: Reddit

This commenter (and others) call the bride a bully and are willing to bet jealousy is behind this “rule.”

Screen Shot 2023 05 05 at 3.44.24 PM Have You Ever Heard The Wedding Rule No Ring, No Bring?

Image Credit: Reddit

Or maybe the groom once had a thing for the girlfriend…

Screen Shot 2023 05 05 at 3.44.58 PM Have You Ever Heard The Wedding Rule No Ring, No Bring?

Image Credit: Reddit

No one wants to let the groom off the hook either, because he needs to learn to stand up for himself and his friends.

Screen Shot 2023 05 05 at 3.45.24 PM Have You Ever Heard The Wedding Rule No Ring, No Bring?

Image Credit: Reddit

They say the bride and groom are both pretty wrecked in the head to let this come between them and their friends.

Screen Shot 2023 05 05 at 3.46.25 PM Have You Ever Heard The Wedding Rule No Ring, No Bring?

Image Credit: Reddit

I, for one, applaud OP for standing up for not only his girlfriend, but his relationship.

We see too little of that on Reddit!

twistedsifter on facebook Have You Ever Heard The Wedding Rule No Ring, No Bring?