This Person Wonders What They Owe Their Former Adoptive Mother. The Internet Responds.
by Trisha Leigh
The more we learn about child development and child psychology, the more people are realizing that adoption is not the easy fix, the better way out, or a simple solution when it comes to the appropriate development of the child in question.
OP is a poster child example; after losing their mother around age 5, they were adopted by their stepmother even though they did not want to be, and expressed that opinion clearly.
My former adoptive mother was also my stepmother. She and my father forced the adoption on me against my will when I was 7 because she couldn’t have children biologically, my mom was dead and they felt like she “deserved” the official mother title and a place on my birth certificate.
I never wanted it and begged them not to but was ignored.
They went ahead anyway, and OP never forgave them. They went no contact after they turned 18 and asked their maternal grandparents to adopt them so the original adoption would be null and void.
They even lied and said dad was sick to push the judges hand, because apparently with me saying no, they needed something that would make a judge think it would be in my best interest. So they pretended dad was worried something would get worse and the judge decided it was safer for me.
I never forgave them.
I went no contact 7 months ago when I turned 18.
I asked my maternal grandparents to adult adopt me to erase the original adoption.
Her stepmother/adoptive mother always enjoyed celebrating the US and UK Mother’s Day, and when OP wished her grandmother a happy mother’s day and thanked her for the adoption, all heck broke loose.
My stepmother is English and ever since I knew her she celebrated both the UK Mother’s Day and our Mother’s Day. And then around midnight last night I made a Facebook post thanking my grandma for adopting me and being a great mom to me.
I don’t even celebrate the UKs Mother’s Day but dad’s parents reminded me about it and said I should post something knowing she would see. They weren’t thinking of announcing the adoption thing. But that’s what I did.
Now OP is wondering if they just should have kept their mouth shut and let her former adoptive mother figure out on her own that things had changed.
Woke up an hour ago and she saw it thanks to other family members being friends to both of us on Facebook. I was told by an aunt that they’re really angry and saying I’m an AH because they had no idea I was no longer legally their kid.
Reddit has some great thoughts for this OP, so let’s check them out.
The answer was just over two years.
This comment says dad and stepmom have no excuses for their bad behavior.
This person is for sure questioning the stepmother’s motives.
This commenter says there’s no way to rewrite history where moms are concerned.
They have nothing but sympathy for OP.
I feel for this person for sure, and hope they’re finding ways to celebrate their original mother, too.
And I hope dad and stepmother get a good therapist, especially if they hope to be in OP’s life going forward.