If People Used Break Up Lines Instead of Pick Up Lines, What Would You Say? People Shared Theirs.
by Matthew Gilligan
This is gonna be a whole lot of fun!
Because AskReddit users were nice enough to share break up lines instead of pick up lines.
Are you ready to get your laugh on?
Let’s get it started!
Weighing me down.
“Hey, are you an anchor?
Because you’ve done nothing but weigh me down.”
I like this one!
“You remind me of Halley’s Comet.
I don’t wanna see you again for another 74 years.”
“Hey babe, I think it’s about time we cancel our gym membership.
We’re not working out anymore…”.
“I knew this girl in middle school who would break up with boys by saying: roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.”
“They say one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
I hope you find someone who treasures you.”
This is good.
“Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there’s a new issue with you every f**king day.”
You should leave.
“Hey baby, is your name Delta?
Because I’ve spent the last forty-five minutes waiting for you to take off.”
He blew it.
“A boyfriend when I was 14 and I agreed if we ever broke up we would text the other “I break up with you.”
He broke up with me and didn’t use the line.
Here’s a trick.
“D**n girl, are you a magician’s assistant?
Because I want you to disappear from my life.”
“Hey babe are you a time share, because I’ve been trying to get out of this for like 3 years.
You’re a waste of f**king money and you’re only available when I’m not.”
That’s not good.
My divorce attorney.”
“Men are from Mars
Women are from Venus
F**k this I’m out
You have a small p**is.”
“Hey babe, are you the McDonald’s ice cream machine?
Because you just aren’t working for me anymore.”
You’re outta here!
“Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the a** on the way out.”
Can’t find it.
“Frantically searching around the apartment like you lost something.
When she asks what’s up you say: “I lost my feelings for ya”.”
Feel free to use all of these.
“Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Are you α New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Hey babe I think is time we take our relationship to the previous level.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
This relationship is kinda like the Super Bowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Hey baby, are you a Star Wars sequel? Cause I never want to see you again.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the trash is dumped and so are you.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
We could cover more ground if we split up.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Hey baby, is your name Delta? Because I’ve spent the last forty-five minutes waiting for you to take off.
I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
Hey babe, you like Scooby-Doo? Then let’s split up gang!
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of fucking problems.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
Hey gurl, are we like the Simpsons? Because it should have ended a long time ago.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Are you being followed? Because I’ve been seeing people behind your back… let’s break up.
Hey sexy, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
We should make like your parents and split.
Do you happen to know sign language? Because this is the last time you’ll hear from me.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
You look like my future ex wife.
I think we need to become better strangers.”
Good lord! That was a lot!