The term “victimless crime” exists for a reason, but when you stop to think about most criminal behavior, it’s hard to come up with one that would actually not make anyone a victim.

These people think they’ve come up with a few, though, so take a look!

Still on the books.

Lots of places have sodomy laws.

So for example, it’s a crime for two consenting married adults to have oral sex in the privacy of their own home.

Also illegal to buy a dildo.

What should be illegal…

Dumpster diving.

What should be illegal is destroying perfectly good food and consumer goods simply because they’re out of season and people won’t spend ridiculous amounts of money to buy them. And instead of giving them out for free or at really discounted prices or donating to shelters and those in needs, giant corporations decide to destroy goods and make it illegal for people to look through their dumpsters and repurpose those items.

I will say, there is a place in my city called The Grocery Spot that runs on donations from places like The Fresh Market and Wholefoods and the like to bring good, nutritious food to those in need. All of it is given away for free to the anyone who needs it, even if you don’t directly live in the community they serve. Really good, high quality stuff too.

Organic eggs, real meat and poultry, fresh produce and fruits, milk, bread, etc. I find that to be so much better than throwing away food because it’s past rhe “sell-by” date when so many people would gladly take it home to eat.

Weirdly illegal.

Sleeping in your car when you are too drunk and can’t drive.

A long list.

TONS of blue laws.

basically antiquated laws on the books that have to do with religion (mostly on sundays). In my state you can’t buy alcohol on sunday before noon. And car dealers are not allowed to be open on sunday.

Basically they are designed to not compete with church attending times like early morning.

Who is really the victim?

As an ER nurse, I give a lot of shit away to patients against the rules or advise them where they can get it cheaper. Big hospitals have more money than God, but want me to send you home with 1or2 wound supplies for a wound that will take 4 weeks to heal. F**k that.

Here’s a box of 50 for your purse. I never gave that to you. Hey, you need crutches, and here they are, but first. Before you sign that you got these. These crutches are $1000. The same or better are on Amazon for $50 or less.

I’m not telling you how to live your life, but I can offer you a free wheelchair ride out to your sons car…

You could argue that the hospital is the victim here. I’m telling you that the hospital gets a discount on supplies and marks them up 1000% to sell to those going through an emergency. Who’s really the victim?

We’d pay if we could.

Downloading very old games that are no longer available for sale.

The Sims and The Sims 2 are a great example of this. I’d pay money for them if they’d actually still sell them, but we have to resort to other means to get them.

Mario has entered the chat.

Eating a magic mushroom you found in nature.

We’re just being nice!

Putting coins in someone else’s parking meter.

I don’t understand why this would become illegal in the first place other than to just jack up fines.

which tells me some crooked AF people made this a law

Wait, what? I’m a criminal!

Picking up a bird feather found on the ground and keeping it.

It’s technically against the migratory bird laws.

An empty road.

Jaywalking when there are no cars on the road.

Jaywalking was a kinda made-up crime perpetuated by the growing U.S. auto injury to make it seem like cars weren’t as dangerous as they are.

Define ghost town.

Loitering in a ghost town.

If a tree falls in the forest…

Many things if they’re simply not witnessed.

Taking off your pants in the park at night is absolutely a crime (actually two separate crimes!), but if nobody is there to see it, no harm has been done, and there is nobody to be bothered that you trespassed after sundown.

Gotta get on that.

Setting up a lemonade stand without a vendor license.

Often time the license is $5. They mostly want to warn people about food safety to make sure the stand doesn’t end up unwittingly make people sick.

Unless you get sick, I guess.

Eating food out of someones garbage.

Definitely unfair.

Assisting the su**ide of a terminally ill person in unrelenting pain…in most jurisdictions in the world.

I feel like it’s unfair someone else has more power to decide what happens to me, than me. If I want to tie my tubes or remove my uterus or have a decent way to end things and I’m willing to pay for that, why some rich and powerful dude who never met me before can say “I decided you can’t”.

How is it not my decision?

I’m still not totally convinced.

What about you?