‘My mom had ruined the surprise so she expected it.’ Would You Have Returned Your Wedding Gift Over A Bride’s Bad Behavior?
by Trisha Leigh
Weddings make people crazy, and even though you might be about to say that brides get the worst rap for being nuts around that time…this time, it really is about the bride.
OP’s sister is the one getting married, and both he and she have known OP’s girlfriend since high school. The women were never close friends but OP’s girlfriend did help his sister with a “personal matter” once.
My girlfriend Naomi and I have been together for over a decade. My younger sister, Sarah, and my girlfriend have never been super close but are friendly when we get together, or I guess they were.
When Sarah was in high school Naomi helped her out with some personal things. Sarah got married a few days ago.
So, when the sister got engaged she asked his girlfriend to be a bridesmaid. She was thrilled and honored.
When Sarah announced her engagement to the family she asked Naomi to be a bridesmaid, which surprised us a little but Naomi was very excited because she’s never gotten to do it before and probably won’t have the chance.
I want to be clear there was no suggestion from either of us Sarah should ask her, it was about two seconds after she told us she was engaged.
She said that she was so grateful to Naomi for the help when she was younger and Naomi was very touched.
But, when the reveal of the bridal party happened, OP and his girlfriend realized she wasn’t included after all.
A few weeks later Sarah posts her “bridesmaid proposals brunch”. Naomi wasn’t there. Sarah never said it to either of our faces directly but clearly she’d changed her mind.
Naomi was hurt but said she understood because she hadn’t expected the ask anyway.
Then, the sister asked his girlfriend to help plan and be at the bachelorette, and to be with her while she got ready on the big day.
That would have been fine, but then a few months later Sarah asks Naomi to go to the bachelorette party and also come get ready the day of with her friends and bridesmaids.
Same thing, Naomi says yes and even helped her find a good place to go and a rental.
Annnndddd she ghosted her on those things, too.
A month and a half before the wedding I’m talking to my mom on the phone and she mentions that Sarah’s at her batchelorette… no mention of it to Naomi. Now I’m kind of pissed because Naomi was clearly very hurt at two invites and then being sort of ghosted.
A week before the wedding Naomi texted Sarah and asked about getting ready and hair and makeup, and Sarah responds acting confused and basically tells her nicely to just come with me. Then I was really pissed.
So, instead of getting his sister the big fancy wedding gift he had already purchased (and she expected) he gave her money instead.
Sarah wanted this really expensive baking mixer thing for a long time and I got it for her for her wedding gift. My mom had ruined the surprise so she expected it.
But after everything with Naomi I felt like being petty, and I cut her a check instead and returned the mixer.
When she called to ask what happened to the gift, he told her he was upset about her treatment of his girlfriend.
She had some excuses and then got mad at OP for “ruining her honeymoon period.”
A few days after the wedding Sarah texts me saying “I don’t know how to ask this but what happened to the mixer”.
And I responded I didn’t know how to ask but what happened to treating my gf like a freaking human being.
She said when she asked Naomi to be a bridesmaid she meant an “honorary” bridesmaid.
She then said for the Bachelorette party Naomi had told her she works most weekends so she didn’t think that Naomi was able to attend and was just helping her to plan. Naomi said that she told Sarah to give her dates so she could take off. Naomi is a very non confrontational person and had asked me to not bring up the bridesmaid or Bachelorette things because she didnt’t want ro feel like she was “pushing in” at the time which is why I didn’t.
The makeup thing my sister said that Naomi had told her she would do her own hair so she didn’t see a reason for her to come get ready with them.
His family thinks he should have left it alone but his girlfriend clearly appreciates him sticking up for her.
My sister is still pissed at me and says I ruined her honeymoon period (she’s not on a trip) and some other really crappy stuff so I just hung up on her.
Now my brother and my new brother in law and my mom are all texting me saying “wtf” and that I’m ruining her happy time.
Naomi for her part says I probably shouldn’t have done that but she feels a little vindicated.
What does Reddit think? I bet they’re wondering whether or not he went far enough.
The top comment is a little generous toward the sister I think.
This person says that, as far as ruining her honeymoon, she did that all on her own.
This commenter wants to know what’s wrong with this woman.
They’re not letting Mom off the hook, either.
Everyone is happy OP stood up for their girlfriend.
I, too, think OP did the right thing.
I would feel very loved if I were his girlfriend.