October 16, 2023 at 8:18 am

‘I’m just still grieving my father.’ Young Man Struggles To Make Stepdad Understand He’s Not Looking For A Father Figure

by Trisha Leigh

Source: Reddit/AITA/iStock

Blending families is tricky, and that’s when everyone involved is thoughtful and respectful and honestly trying their best.

When some of the children are grown, I imagine finding a comfortable role with each other can also be tough.

OP lost his father at 22. A year later his mother is dating a guy he thinks is nice.

He has two teenage kids and OP’s mother has stepped into a parenting role. His stepdad is getting along great with everyone in the family, including OP – most of the time.

My dad died suddenly about a year ago, and my mom found this really nice guy that she’s started seeing. I’m 23M and going into my final year of college.

My moms boyfriend has two daughters ages 15 and 13. My mom has stepped in to be a mother figure to them, and the boyfriend has stepped into my extended family becoming everyone’s favourite uncle.

And while i’m glad everyone else is comfortable, i’m not.

OP is finishing up college and still living at home. Because of this, the stepdad thinks OP should have chores and curfews, etc, to be a part of the family and such.

He isn’t a bad guy, I’m just still grieving my father, and it feels like he’s trying to replace him. He tries to set rules for me, things like chores and curfew, that my dad specifically didn’t because he thought they were ridiculous for an adult.

Boyfriend thinks it’s only fair because i have siblings now. I think it’s ridiculous to have the same rules apply because of our age differences.

He’s trying to get me to share my stuff with his kids. They aren’t lacking for anything but he thinks it’s only fair because ~family~.

OP is fine with his mom’s boyfriend as part of the family, but not as a father figure. And one night, after getting hollered at over a pretty small transgression, he told him just that.

I live in the basement of my moms house. I have since i was 15. When you come in the front door there’s a door to the basement and the stairs to go into the house. So it’s pretty separate.

So last night i was DDing for some friends and got home at 2 am. I had nothing to do until 3pm today since classes aren’t until next week and my new job starts in 2 weeks. So this has never been a big deal with my parents. I shot my mom a text and went to bed.

Tonight though, man, boyfriend flipped. I got a lecture and sent to my room and “possible loss of car privileges.”

I snapped and laid it out for him. I told him i’m leaving the city after i graduate, i told him i’m glad my mom found a new partner but that i am not and will not be looking for a new father figure and he needs to respect that.

I told him our relationship won’t be father/son for some time, and that he needs to respect me as an adult or that i won’t want to have a relationship with him.

Now some in his family think he was being mean or rude, saying he didn’t want or need a new dad, but OP is still grieving.

He told my family and they think i’m wrong.


Does Reddit think OP should have been more diplomatic? Let’s find out!

The top comment says that regardless of the guy’s status, OP is an adult.

Source: Reddit/AITA

No one really likes the controlling behavior no matter how old OP is, though.

Source: Reddit/AITA

This person is wondering why OP’s mom doesn’t have his back.

Source: Reddit/AITA

They think OP has handled the situation well thus far.

Source: Reddit/AITA

There’s a lot that’s potentially cringe in this one.

OP’s behavior isn’t, though. At all.