December 12, 2023 at 6:55 pm

‘I was pushed down the stairs.’ – Nanny Draws A Line When Mom Tells Her To Not Discipline Their 3-Year-Old

by Trisha Leigh

Source: Reddit/AITA/iStock

Working with kids might be rewarding, but anyone who has ever done it day in and day out knows it’s also very challenging. Routines, stability, and discipline are necessary if everyone is going o end up their best selves.

OP nannied for a family with seven children. She says they were ok but spoiled, and after a particularly dangerous incident, the mom instituted a time-out policy that was working.

So I’m a 23F nanny. For the family I work for there are 7 kids. Yes 7. All ranging from 14 years old to 10 months old. I have been working for them for 8 months. And never really had an issue. They are a good family for the most part.

A key part here is the kids are all homeschooled so they do not get out a lot. Unfortunately that leads to mom and dad spoiling them quite a lot. And since I’ve started had a bit of a discipline issue. They throw tantrums, throw things and scream a lot.

Finally mom recently put on discipline because their tantrums led to me getting and injury. I was pushed down the stairs.

So she implemented a timeout routine.

At least, it was working for the kids subject to it. The mom exempted the 3yo, who was most prone to long, loud, sometimes violent tantrums, because she thought coddling him was still the way.

And it was going well for almost everyone. Here is where the story truly begins. The second to youngest it 2 and a half almost 3. His tantrums are some of the worst and instead of really discipling him she coddles.

If he screams and yells she just picks him up and gives him whatever he wants. He will also throw things and hit whoever is telling him no. And mom doesn’t do anything.

Well, soon afterward she was alone with the 3yo, and after he was in danger of hurting her or his siblings, she put him in timeout. It worked.

On Wednesday this week mom had an appointment and when he woke up from his nap and she wasn’t there he freaked out. I tried to calm by playing games, food, or reading books.

But nothing worked he just got louder and more aggressive. He even hit me and his siblings. Eventually he woke the baby and when I got her tried to even hurt her.

So with no other real options working to calm him down. I pick him up sit him on his bed and said timeout you do not behave this way. When you calm down you can come out.

He finally is calming down after several minutes and mom comes home.

When the mom got home, though, she told OP not to do it again because he was too young. When OP asked what she should do instead, the mom said just let him go until he burned out.

She was quite upset that he got a timeout because she says that he is too young and doesn’t know better. Now I understand he is young but I’ve been a nanny for awhile and I have learned 2-3 is normal age for discipline so they learn to know better. I only do a minute per year age and only goes longer if they can’t calm down though I check in every minute.

She was also upset I used his room as a timeout. Now that part I get and can understand that at this age associating timeout with where he sleeps. I can agree we don’t do that.

But I had to ask when he’s acting like this what do you want me to do? She said let me handle it. If I’m not there give him what he wants hits not worth the fight.

Ok…..but what if it’s something I can’t give. She replied “if you can’t just let him go through it he’ll calm down quickly”

I looked at her like are you serious? You do realize how he can be right? But ok.

The same thing happened again, and OP did as she was told. She protected the other kids and the breakable things in the house – along with the 3yo himself – and the mother was shocked at his behavior when she got home.

Cue malicious compliance; The next day mom had another appointment and she was gone when he woke up. And of course he wanted her and only her. I said sorry she’s not here why don’t we play a game. He screams no. I ask if he wants a snack? No he screams and starts slapping at my hands. I ask to go read a book or go to his siblings room for play time. He screams again and hit me in the face. I told him please don’t hit me.

So he screams in my face and goes off throwing things at me and everyone around and just goes off. I tell everyone to go to their rooms. I tried everything to calm him down and it didn’t work so I did exactly what she told me. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

He continues his tirade throwing things, pulling things off shelves, and screaming. I obviously kept him from things that would hurt him like glass, ceramics and when he got on a table to push something I picked him up and put him down.

Though he did bite me really hard when I did that. Not enough to bleed but enough to leave a good mark. I let this go for about oooh 15 ish minutes until mom came home. And when she did he was still freaking out.

OP showed her the bite mark, too, and the mom said they would talk about it that night…and the next day, he had a time out chair of his own.

She just goes what is going on. I explained the situation and told her I’m just doing what she said and letting him cry it out till he calms down. She said that’s not what I meant! I asked what did you want? She didn’t really have an answer.

I told her I couldn’t use discipline and I couldn’t calm him you said to let him go he’d calm down and he hasn’t yet. I made sure anything dangerous was taken away but I didn’t know what else I could do.

Now respectively I could have picked up what he threw around but I wanted her to see what he was capable of. And I wasn’t going to risk getting hurt again from taking things away.

She looked upset but didn’t say anything and just looked at him still throwing his tantrum. The baby wakes up and she goes to get her. When she comes back to try and calm him he screams to pick him up and he hits her and keeps going till she puts the crying baby on the ground and picks him up.

I was kinda shocked she fed into it. I told her he’s old enough to know what he’s doing. He knows that he’ll get what he wants when he does these things and it’s only going to get worse. And if it’s going to continue I’m going to continue to do nothing because I won’t risk getting hurt or the other kids in the process.

I showed her my bite mark and she went pale a bit and said he did that I said yes he did. She took a breath and said why don’t you go home for the day and I’ll talk to dad about this.

When I came to work this morning there was a timeout chair for him. And I’m allowed to use it at my discretion.


The top comment says OP needs to walk away, and fast.

Source: Reddit/AITA

They say the mom doesn’t realize she’s making herself a bigger problem down the road.

Source: Reddit/AITA

You’ve gotta play the long game with kids.

Source: Reddit/AITA

She might be raising a headache for society, too.

Source: Reddit/AITA

They also say people like this never learn.

Source: Reddit/AITA

Parenting is no joke, y’all.

But if you want/need help you need to make sure they’re safe in your home.

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.