She Declines To Take “Worthiness” Test Before Getting Engaged. – ‘So is she going to take the test?’
by Trisha Leigh
Every family has their own traditions, and when you’re entering a new one for the first time, some of them can throw you for a loop.
You might feel pressured to go along, but of course you can choose not to.
OP and her boyfriend are from different countries and are different nationalities, and as they were talking about getting engaged and looking at homes to buy together, they talked with his family about their future plans.
My boyfriend Eric (29M, fake name) and I (27F) have been dating for three years. For context, I have met his family and they are friendly. We don’t meet them very often because they live in my bf’s home country.
I don’t want to reveal country names either for privacy reasons but my bf and I are of different nationalities and we both work in my country.
The conflict happened during our last visit last weekend. We have been looking up houses to move in together and engagement rings.
While we were having dinner, we mentioned this to his family as it’s a big step in our relationship for us(we are not engaged yet.)
His sister asked whether or not OP was going to take the “test.”
His parents and brothers expressed their happiness for us then out of nowhere his youngest SIL asked “So is she going to take the test?”
I asked “what test?”.
She learned this was a family tradition in which women wanting to marry into the family had to take a test to see how good of a homemaker they would be.
In summary, bf’s family has this tradition where the future MIL tests future daughters-in-law to see if they are good enough for her sons.
Apparently, his mother and aunts went through the same test. The tests include how clean they can keep a home, how well they can cook, their manners, etc. Basically life skills most people learn from childhood.
I found it ridiculous because 1. If I’m good enough for my boyfriend, he should be the one deciding it. and 2. I don’t fit in their targeted category.
In his mom’s words, you can’t be a good SAHW and SAHM if you can’t be a good homemaker and she wants to make sure of that.
OP informed them she wasn’t planning to quit her job and her boyfriend knew that, so she didn’t need to pass a test.
To be clear, his mom and all three of his brothers’ wives are SAHMs and although I respect their choice, I am not quitting my career and did not under any circumstances make my bf think I could compromise on that.
I hate house chores and I would rather buy homemaking gadgets and hire staff no matter the cost than have to do chores myself.
I told my bf’s mom all this and it caused an argument that eventually ruined dinner and in extension our visit.
It kind of ruined dinner, and their visit, and her boyfriend thinks she should have just gone along for the fun of it.
Bf doesn’t care whether I’m a working wife or a SAHW but he thinks I should have just done the test because “it’s just a test” and it’s not like they would reject me if I failed it.
He thinks it’s a fun tradition that everyone was looking forward to and I should have gone along with it anyways.
My boyfriend thinks I’m the AH and suggested I make this post.
If I really am the *******, I’m sure you guys will let me know so am I?
Should she have? Should he have stuck up for her more? Let’s hear what Reddit has to say!
The top comment says maybe her boyfriend should take a husband test, if he thinks it’s so fun.
This person agrees that maybe a new tradition is in order.
They say OP should not have to prove herself to them.
And this commenter says maybe OP should get her family involved.
This is a big yikes.
If they still get married I hope she can find a way to smooth things out with her in-laws.