He Feared His Wife’s Lack Of Parenting Skills Was Harming Their Kids, But She Said Giving Her A “Performance Review” Only Made Things Worse
by Trisha Leigh
One of the more challenging moments in life is when two parents don’t agree on how their children are being reared – but it’s almost impossible to make it through raising kids without disagreeing here and there.
Not being able to figure it out will almost surely do your children more harm than good.
OP’s wife stays home with two teens and a younger child while he works.
I (33m) share one child (6f) with my wife (36f). She has another daughter (13f) that lives with us full time, we also have custody of our niece (15f).
The teens are each other’s best friends, they share a large bedroom which was done at their request.
The dynamic here is pretty much mom and youngest against the teens, with me being the referee between everyone.
He’s noticed that she plays favorites as far as the youngest kid.
My wife has taught the youngest, she can blame others for her actions to avoid consequences. She just says the word, one of the teens will get punished without question. There’s no doubt, she is my wife’s favorite.
I love her, but she’s becoming nothing more than an entitled brat. As just a mere example, my wife and I had an appointment we both needed to attend.
When we came back, it was apparent the pool had been used. They’re not allowed to swim while we aren’t home.
As the youngest divulged, “Mommy I was in my room coloring, I never went swimming.”
The teens said that was not true, she had gone swimming as well. Only the teens were punished, my wife refused to give the youngest any type of consequence.
I later found her wet swimming suit hidden in the garage. My wife and I argued, I felt strongly she needed to not only be punished for swimming, but also for lying.
After a relentless disagreement, I was silenced as she gave the youngest a very minimal consequence.
The teenagers are starting to act out and he doesn’t blame them.
The lying, blaming and favoritism ultimately caused the teens to act out, understandably.
Most of their consequences are done by giving more chores, specifically the chores the 6 year old has. Or as recent, they were removed from music lessons as a consequence. I
believe they’re so frustrated they don’t even care when they verbally attack their mother after her unfair treatment towards them.
After all, they already get blamed and punished for things they don’t even do, from my perspective lashing out gives them a release.
When multiple conversation and tacts didn’t work, he had an idea.
We’ve have had countless, tiring arguments. She’d either not see her faults, or we’d agree to do this and that, but it was never actually done.
I decided to write her a performance review, as a SAHM. Her areas in need of improvement, well it was a lot.
But I touched on how she needs to listen better, stop being biased. Be fair in all her decisions, stop making rash decisions without taking all three kids into consideration.
I recommended her to give each child the same amount of one-on-one alone time to speak, or just be with one another.
So it wouldn’t be an entirely slap to her face, I gave her accolades on her strong points for other areas aside from parenting.
According to his wife, a very bad idea.
I guess I felt this would work best, because I could organize my thoughts on paper without her interjecting. However, it quickly backfired in my face.
She was quiet the first hour after I handed it to her. Then she completely exploded on me, said if we’re going to do this type shit she’ll get a private bank account and take half my paycheck every week.
She further said the review was abusive, and a manipulative sexist move. AITA?
Does Reddit agree with her? Let’s find out!
The top comment says OP has legit concerns, but definitely went about it wrong.
This person, though, wonders if OP is giving us the whole story.
But this commenter thinks OP was just grasping at straws.
Some people, though, can understand from the position of the children involved.
All of the parents on the thread were deep in discussion.
This is always a tough situation.
Here’s hoping the parents figure out how to communicate better and sort this out.
If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.
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