In relationships, money can be one of the biggest causes of friction and arguments.

Sure, it is stressful when you don’t have enough money, but even when you do, the way that individual people choose to spend their money can be contentious.

This is all the more true if, like the woman in this story, we see our partner’s cash being handed directly to people who have been toxic towards them.

Read on to find out the situation that brought this couple’s relationship to an impasse.

AITA for confronting my boyfriend about lending his ex money?

I am 28, and have been with my boyfriend (also 28) for almost 6 years now.

He’s really great – sweet, patient, thoughtful – we rarely fight, and when we do have misunderstandings, we’re quick to sort them out.

We also live together and share on the expenses but still have our own separate money.

Here’s the story on his ex…

Now, he was with his ex for about a year, right after he started university.

They had a pretty toxic relationship, and he had already ended up in trouble academically when trying to manage her mental health struggles.

He ended things after she cheated on him the second time.

He blocked her at first and did not entertain any attempts to get back together (we were already talking at this point).

This is where the drama begins.

He unblocked her after a year (he doesn’t like holding grudges).

Since then, she’d hit him up on his birthday, Christmas, New Year’s, etc. to send greetings.

She’s gotten bolder since the pandemic, even commenting how happy he and I look in our pictures on social media.

He’d then say thanks or greet back.

My boyfriend is very transparent about these things, and I’m generally unbothered. I did ask him if replying to her, even if dryly, might be doing more harm than good (she might think it’s okay to keep talking to him, which would then be something I will be bothered by).

He said I was right and promised not to respond at all anymore.

Read on to find out how this situation got worse.

Now, a week ago while we were out, he mentioned how his ex hit him up the day before asking for money.

He asked what for, and she said she got kicked out, disowned, and recently landed in the hospital again for mental health troubles and so needed money to pay bills.

I thought, well, tough. I had an ex cheat on me too, and I’m not lending him a dime even if he fell on hard times.

My boyfriend doesn’t share this sentiment.

He said he lent her money ($500) and isn’t expecting it back. He didn’t open her message explaining what had happened though, nor does he plan to reply.

He just sent her money and that was it.

Wow. Let’s see how this girlfriend reacted.

I genuinely didn’t think much of it at the time, but a week later, it was still nagging at me.

I think it all boils down to this: it annoys me that he would help someone who once screwed him over and continues to try to be friends with him despite him being very clearly in a relationship.

I feel this also breaks his promise of not entertaining anything from her at all, even if he has good intentions.

She told her boyfriend how she feels.

I finally decided to confront my boyfriend about this after he got off work.

He said he understands where I’m coming from but that respectfully he can decide what to do with his money.

I told him pretty much everything here, but we ended up at an impasse with neither one backing down.

I feel by talking about this, I’ve created some weird tension that neither of us knows how to resolve fully. There’s just such a huge fundamental difference in how we’d tackle this situation that I also wonder if I’m maybe projecting in some way.

AITA?

Regardless of whether she’s simply taking advantage of his generosity and kind heart, his ex is getting in between this man and his girlfriend.

Though they are financially independent, this behavior crosses all kinds of boundaries.

Let’s see what Reddit thought about this.

This person agreed that this guy choosing to lend his ex money was totally inappropriate.

And others backed the healthy way in which the girlfriend responded.

However, some people urged her to be more understanding.

While this person was critical of the way she’d handled the situation.

There is no reason why anyone should be bank-rolling their cheating ex.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.