Christmas can be a tricky holiday to navigate when you throw in divorce, moving and chronic pain.

In today’s story, one woman is torn about how to spend Christmas day. Should she prioritize herself or give in to what everyone else wants her to do?

Let’s see why she’s not sure what to do.

AITA for declining Christmas dinner with my stepmom

Background: stepmom has been part of my family for over 30 years and was, until recently, living in the same house as myself, husband and son (started after my dad passed)

This year has been full of change.

She moved to an all included, seniors apartment as she was tired of doing everything at home and she wanted more socializing.

Husband and I have been working through an amicable divorce (20+ years of marriage), separating houses and ensuring teenager is priority for both of us through the changes.

This all happened in the last 6 months.

The holiday plans will be different this year.

Figuring out the holidays with our new family dynamics has been challenging.

In the past, ex, son and I spent Christmas eve with family friends and Christmas day with stepmom.

In my family, Christmas dinner has always been Christmas eve and Christmas day was relaxed, eating leftovers and snacks.

OP usually cooks on Christmas day.

Stepmom is opposite.

She went all out Christmas day and cooked a big meal but started to complain about the work a few years ago.

The last couple of years she has had dinner with her friends christmas eve and we all have brunch or snack plates Christmas day, cooked by me.

This is what her ex wants Christmas to look like this year.

This year, friends have moved, so ex and I decided a small dinner at ex’s home is the best plan for our first Christmas.

Son is staying there over christmas break and ex isn’t comfortable coming back to my house which was where we lived prior to the divorce.

Stepmom has always been cold to him so he’s asked that christmas eve dinner just be the 3 of us.

Reasonable requests given our current situation.

This is how OP expects to spend Christmas.

Christmas day, I will pick up son and stepmom, bring them to my place for brunch, gifts etc, spend a few hours together and then I will take them both home.

During the last few years, I have been dealing with a long term disbility that impacts my physical capabilities and causes a lot of pain, so this plan also took that into consideration.

I plan on spending a quiet evening at home, likely video chatting with my mom and extended family.

This is what the stepmom wants Christmas to look like.

And here’s the issue: stepmom wants me to drop son at his dad’s and join her in the dining room of her building for dinner.

I have declined for many reasons – first holiday post divorce, first one without my son under the same roof, and the exhaustion that i know the day will bring.

Also, the idea of subjecting myself to a room full of people I don’t know, masking the physical pain of a long day, while pretending to be happy and feeling festive, sounds like a nightmare.

She’s not sure what to do.

She is not happy with my answer and is tossing out “you’re my only family, everyone else has family coming, I don’t want you to be alone, this is my first christmas here” etc.

I’m trying really hard to balance what I need with what everyone else needs but I also hate the idea of upsetting her.

I do see her a couple of times a week so it’s not like I don’t spend any time with her.

My emotions are high this year and I could use some outside perspective because she’s making me feel unreasonable.

I would be tempted to give in to the stepmom’s request, but it might be better if she puts herself first instead since it sounds like she will really need to rest at that point in the day.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story…

This reader provides a suggestion of what to tell the stepmom.

Another person suggests making sure the stepmom knows why she’s saying no.

A person living with chronic pain weighs in.

Would it be possible to compromise?

Christmas isn’t jolly when you’re exhausted and in pain.

If you liked that post, check out this one about an employee that got revenge on HR when they refused to reimburse his travel.