Some people are just too confusing to understand.

In this story, a bride’s friend was set to be a bridesmaid but then she dropped out with the excuse that being at weddings is too hurtful for her since she’ll probably never get married.

The bride still isn’t over the disappointment of her friend bailing on her, and finding out what her former friend is up to these days makes it even worse.

Read the full story below.

Bridesmaid couldn’t cope with wedding but became a celebrant

I got married in my early 30s, and when I got married I had three bridesmaids: two good friends from university and a friend I had met slightly later in life.

R was a friend from university, and we lived in the same city afterward (although not together) and stayed in regular contact, dinner at least monthly, events together, Christmas and birthday presents, and we were what I considered to be “good friends.” She was a natural choice to be a bridesmaid.

She was very arty and associated with the arts, and I asked if she could choose a reading and give it at the wedding, as we were keeping things quite small (another bridesmaid was to be a witness, etc.).

But life took a turn, and the bridesmaid had to drop out.

A week before my hen do, she said she needed to drop out because her father, who had Parkinson’s, needed care.

It turned out her mum was due to be on holiday in India, and they thought they’d be alright with carers, but it turned out they weren’t comfortable with this.

She had never mentioned her mum being away, it was a UK-based, not expensive hen do and had been planned for six months, and she said she’d always known her mum would be away, she just hadn’t mentioned it.

There really wasn’t anything she could do about it.

It was too late to get anyone to sub in. One of my other bridesmaids couldn’t be there as she was in early pregnancy, and that had been fine, so she knew I wasn’t going to fuss about it.

Privately, I was upset (she told me by email on a workday, so it was difficult to talk to her about it), but there wasn’t a lot I could do.

I figured maybe she had just got herself in a bind and realised too late, so I said I was disappointed but just left it at that.

Then she emailed that she’d be skipping the wedding because it hurts to be in weddings.

A couple of weeks later, another email: she didn’t feel she could come to the wedding. She had realised marriage and children would never happen for her (bear in mind we were in our early 30s), and it would hurt too much to come to the wedding.

She did, however, need somewhere to stay in my city that weekend (by this point, she had moved away), so could she come and take me to lunch?

I was too stunned to know what to do, but I was mindful that if I said no, I was kind of blowing up the friendship, so I agreed.

It was a short and final visit.

She came on Sunday morning, we went for lunch, she left very early (6am-ish, as discussed) on Monday morning, and… I never heard from her again.

No wedding card or gift, no text to say sorry she couldn’t be there, but that she hoped I had a good day.

She didn’t even cancel her hotel room (I did it for her, but in retrospect, I wish I hadn’t bothered, and then she would have been charged for it).

This bride later found out that her ex-bridesmaid became a wedding celebrant.

She completely ghosted me. I was very upset.

I tried to think what I might have done, but I wasn’t a bridezilla.

Wedding outfits were paid for by me, but I let the bridesmaids choose; I was paying for hair and make-up; there was the cost of a hotel room due to the location, but it was easy to reach, and I had given plenty of notice (and ultimately she could always have said no).

She still isn’t over her friend bailing on her.

It was very embarrassing, though, as many people knew she wasn’t there, and it really impacted my confidence that she would treat me like that.

A few years later, she popped up as a suggestion on Instagram. Reader, she was now a humanist wedding celebrant, actively looking for business.

R, if you read this, I know it’s been well over a decade, but you know who you are, and what you did was really messed up.

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Who needs a friend like R, anyway?

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who was stunned when her friends finally admitted the reason for their falling out.

Let’s read what other readers have to say about this.

This user understands.

Another person is piping up.

A user is defending the bridemaid.

Another person chimes in.

And here’s a valid perspective.

Sometimes, ending a friendship before your big day might be for the best.