Her Stepdaughter Refused to Speak to Them for Nearly 20 Years—Now She Wants to Talk to Her Dad Daily, But Step-Mom Isn’t Ready to Forgive
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It is heartbreaking when a child refuses to talk to their parents, and especially when it lasts for years.
What would you do if your step-daughter cut you and your husband out of her life for nearly two decades, and during that time said some very cruel things, but now she is trying to reestablish a relationship with you?
That is the situation that the step-mom in this story is in, and she is not willing to forgive her stepdaughter at this time, which is causing some conflict between her and her husband.
Personally, I think it is a mistake for this woman to hold a grudge like this. People can, and do, change. It is time to give her a chance. Read through the full story and see if you agree.
AITA for not forgiving my stepdaughter after she slandered me to my friends and makes harassing phone calls?
My husband has an adult daughter from a previous marriage. Years ago she sent messages to my friends that I am a horrible person, evil, nasty, and abusive.
It is a shame when there are problems in the family.
I have only interacted with her a few times (she lives across the country) and she was in her 30s and living on her own when I married her father.
All my interactions with her have been warm and polite. I considered her family. But she had a falling out with her father one day and stopped talking to both of us (and her little half sister too, my biological daughter, who was 11 at the time) for 17 years.
This must have been heartbreaking.
My husband reached out to her several times but she ignored him. She also denied her little half sister’s friend request on social media (she was high school age at the time).
Eventually, my husband stopped reaching out, and made peace that she is gone forever and was angry that she acted like he did not exist, and especially due to the reason why.
That is just awful.
The falling out was due to my husband’s son passing away and his daughter (the one I don’t want to forgive) only cared about the joint investments she had with her deceased brother.
My husband got disgusted at her lack of care that he just lost a son and she a brother, and told her off and hung up on her. That was the last time they ever spoke, although he sent her several nice messages and letters to her in the years afterwards, to no avail.
He will want to reestablish a relationship with his daughter. But not if it is just about money.
Then one day, 17 years later, we get a phone call from her. She was warm and friendly and acted like she hadn’t wiped me, her father, and her little sister from the face of her earth for almost two decades.
My husband was distant to her at first, just exchanging basic pleasantries and making it clear that he has been doing just fine without her despite her coldness and abandonment for almost 20 years, but she kept calling regularly and then started calling with stories of health problems, not having enough money, marital problems, and things that happened to her in childhood, all of which she would later say the opposite of.
Her behavior is very unusual.
She calls her father’s (and my) phone up to 12 times a day nearly every single day, and has sent the police to our house for a welfare check several times, all because we did not answer her calls.
Even when we did answer her calls, or would tell the police that we are fine and to pass that along to her, she sends the police back to our house a mere few days later.
Of course, he is willing to do anything to rebuild a relationship, even if it isn’t perfect.
I tell my husband that it’s wrong and abusive and he gets angry at me and says that his daughter just cares and is worried about us.
Yet he talks to her almost everyday yet she still accuses him of not liking her and lying to her and sends the police to our house.
It isn’t a good idea to try to drive a wedge between him and his daughter.
She texts me threats and says I am keeping her father from her, which isn’t true. I always let him know when she calls.
For all those reasons and more, I want nothing to do with her. My husband gets very angry and calls me cruel and says I am disrespecting him by refusing to talk to her and forgive her.
AITA?
Clearly the daughter has some serious problems, and she needs to work on her relationship with them, but this woman shouldn’t try to disrupt her husband from rebuilding a relationship with his daughter. It is time to forgive her (while maintaining boundaries) and try to fix things.
Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about this story.
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Getting the husband therapy may be helpful.
This commenter says she doesn’t owe her forgiveness.
Here is someone who says they should just block her.
The daughter is definitely mentally ill.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a mom who gets fed up with her son not working and puts him in charge of nightly dinners.
This commenter thinks it is karma catching up with her.
They need to find the balance between boundaries and building a relationship. Even if the daughter is trying to get money or other help, that might be the way to start becoming closer (even if they don’t give her money).
This is clearly a very difficult situation for everyone involved, and it won’t have simple answers.
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