Family relationships become exhausting when maintaining them requires one person to purchase every ticket and make every trip.

Why should the relative with no PTO and mounting expenses remain solely responsible for keeping everyone connected?

After five years of frequent visits with almost no reciprocity, this young woman finally declined another journey.

Her family didn’t take the boundary well.

AITA for refusing to fly out to visit my family this year?

I (30F) live in Oregon. My parents (60s) live in Arizona and my siblings (33F & 36F) live in Wisconsin.

Regardless of their distance, she’s always worked hard to bridge the gap.

In the past 5 years, I’ve flown out multiple times every year to see them: Christmas, summer visits, dog-sitting, and even helped one sister move.

But her family never put in as much effort.

In that time, my dad has visited me twice (both to help with moving), my mom once (and not directly to me), and neither sibling has ever come see me.

Regardless, life went on, with plenty of new challenges coming her way.

This year I lost a job, started a new one with no PTO yet, had to buy a car, and student loans restarted, so I told them I can’t afford a trip.

But her parents didn’t seem to understand where she was coming from.

They got upset and said I should make time “at least once a year.”

My boyfriend pointed out they could come here, which made me realize they’ve traveled plenty (my mom has visited my siblings 3x this year, dad twice, siblings traveled for friends/partners), just never to me.

So when she asks them to visit her for a change, her family was quick to make excuses.

When I suggested they visit, my mom said money is tight due to medical bills from a recent surgery (understandable), but they just bought tickets for my dad to see my siblings 2 weeks ago.

Both my siblings also got quiet and abruptly ended a call after I said I can’t come.

She understands where they’re coming from in a way, but she still thinks it’s unfair they never return the effort.

I get that I’m the “outlier” living in Oregon now, but I feel like I’ve carried most of the effort with little returned.

So, AITA for saying I can’t visit this year and being upset that no one ever comes to me?

It’s frustrating to feel like the only one putting in the effort.

What did Reddit think?

This commenter has dealt with similar pressures from their family.

If her parents are able to use money problems as an excuse, then she should be able to as well.

Why not just present the cold hard facts?

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who moved her mom in after her dad passed, but doesn’t want to fill the role of a spouse.

Why not just spring for a cheaper alternative?

This woman repeatedly traveled for holidays, favors, and family moves, while her parents rarely visited and her siblings never did.

Her current financial and work constraints make staying home completely reasonable, especially when everyone else could finally share the travel burden.

Her family wants annual togetherness on a permanently one-way flight plan.