She Invited Her Mom To Join Any Part Of Her 2-Week Vacation — Mom Got Angry She Wouldn’t Change The Whole Itinerary
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A family vacation can be a great opportunity to spend time together, but there’s a pretty big difference between joining someone else’s trip and quietly deciding you should get to plan it.
One woman recently traveled across the country with her daughter for a two-week vacation in the state where she grew up. She had carefully filled their days with activities and shared the entire itinerary with her mother ahead of time, inviting her to come along for anything that interested her.
Since Mom planned to participate in several outings, the mother and daughter stayed at her house for five days. It sounded like a convenient way to get some extra family time while showing the younger generation where Mom grew up.
Unfortunately, an unexpected heat wave made the visit considerably less comfortable—especially once they discovered Grandma’s new house didn’t have air conditioning and she kept shutting off the fans to save electricity.
But the temperature wasn’t the only thing heating up.
Mom started skipping the activities she’d originally agreed to attend, suggesting replacements instead—and getting increasingly irritated every time her daughter said no.
AITA for not wanting to do what my mom wanted during my vacation?
Recently I travelled across the country with my daughter for a two week vacation to the state where I grew up. I had many things planned and every day of our trip was full.
During planning, I shared my itinerary with my mom and invited her to join us for anything she wanted.
She planned to join for several things, so we stayed with her for 5 days since that seemed like the easiest way to do the activities together.
Sounds like the perfect setup.
During the time we stayed with her, there was a heat wave. I wasn’t aware that her new house did not have A/C, and it was miserable. The temp in the house was never less than 80.
In addition, my mom kept turning off the fans in the rooms to save on electric costs. I knew she’d be deeply offended if I got a hotel instead of staying with her, so I felt a bit trapped.
She skipped several activities she’d planned on attending, which was fine, but then suggested adding different activities. We’d already had to adjust our schedule because a boat tour got postponed a day due to rough seas.
Oof.
Because our schedule was already full, I said no to her suggestions but she kept bringing up the same ideas multiple times. I tried to make sure during evenings and downtime we spend as much time as possible with her. We played board games, made dinner, and talked.
After a few days she became noticeably grumpy, mumbling under her breath, and being passive aggressively hostile towards me. She yelled at me a few different times, and finally I yelled back at her, “Why are you so mad at me? I don’t know what I did wrong!”
She yelled back “You don’t want to do anything I want to do! You just reject every idea I have!” So it seems she was upset the whole time because I was saying no to the things she wanted to do.
Ohhhh boy.
I do understand that I’d said no to her suggestions, but we had a full trip planned out and with the heat wave I was trying to avoid things outside as much as possible, not add more.
I feel like the heat inside the house had made me short tempered too. There were multiple things I wanted to do that we didn’t have time for too.
For our final outing, we were going shopping in a touristy part of the city and it was clear she found it boring. She immediately requested a bathroom and food. She was walking ahead of us and ignoring me as I pointed out places we could eat at.
How rude.
We didn’t have enough time to go into a single shop because we chased her through half the city to find a place she wanted to eat at.
I was trying to show my daughter my hometown, but ended up feeling like the focus had to be on accommodating my mom. She had the opportunity to join us on everything and opted not to, only going to a couple places with us. I don’t mind that, but I’m upset and feel that she basically ruined the things we did do together.
So AITA for saying no to her too much and not doing more of what she wanted to do??
Commenters largely sided with the daughter here. She wasn’t refusing to spend time with her mother; she’d specifically invited her to participate in a vacation that was already planned and even arranged to stay at her house for five days so they could be together.
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Mom was free to skip activities she no longer wanted to do, but that didn’t automatically create empty spaces in everyone else’s schedule for her replacement ideas. This was also a trip for the woman and her daughter, and part of the purpose was showing her child the hometown she’d traveled across the country to visit.
That doesn’t mean Mom was wrong for hoping to have some say in how they spent their time. If she wanted a special outing together, though, the planning stage—when she had the full itinerary in front of her—would have been a much better time to suggest it.
Instead, she apparently expected plans to change once they arrived, then became passive-aggressive when they didn’t.
Five days in an 80-degree house probably didn’t improve anyone’s mood, but the bigger problem seems to have been mismatched expectations. Being invited along on someone’s vacation isn’t quite the same as being handed the itinerary.
This person feels for OP.
This person also agrees…there was an itinerary, for Pete’s sake.
This person says everyone could’ve been better here.
Mom was invited to join the vacation, not quietly become its new cruise director.
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