Young Woman Spent Years Translating For Her Family, But Finally Lost Patience When Her Fluent Brother Refused To Help
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Helping immigrant parents navigate unfamiliar systems can be loving, but the responsibility becomes unfair when one child carries it alone.
Since age eleven, one daughter has sacrificed school, work, and personal events to serve as her family’s translator and administrator.
Now her adult brother is home and receiving constant praise, yet every difficult form, appointment, and phone call still lands on her.
Can she finally step back?
AITA for refusing to translate for my parents after my brother moved back in and took over my role in the house ?
I (19F) am the only one in my family who is fully fluent in English.
My parents immigrated when I was a baby, and my older brother (22M) moved back to our home country when he was 10 to be raised by our grandparents.
He recently moved back in with us after 12 years abroad.
For most of my life, I’ve been the one handling everything for my parents: filling out forms, translating at appointments, reading legal documents, talking to banks, scheduling anything.
She felt useful.
I’ve done this since I was about 11.
It was exhausting, but I didn’t question it because I knew they needed help.
Since my brother came back, things have changed. He speaks decent English now, not perfect, but enough to help.
Except… he doesn’t.
He just acts like he’s too good for it. And somehow, my parents act like he’s the golden child.
They dote on him, praise him constantly, and now they only speak to me when they need something.
He could help and alleviate her load…
A week ago, they asked me to take time off work to translate at an immigration appointment for my mom.
I said I couldn’t, because I had a shift I couldn’t miss, and I suggested they ask my brother instead.
My mom said, “He’s not used to this stuff. It’s easier with you.”
I snapped a little and said, “yeah, because I’ve been forced to do it for years.”
She finally let them know how she feels.
I told them I was tired of being treated like a tool just because I happen to speak English better, especially now that they have another adult child living here.
My dad told me I was being ungrateful and that” family helps without complaining.”
Since then, they’ve been cold with me. My brother said I was being “dramatic” and that it’s not his fault they trust me more.
But it’s not about trust, it’s that they’ve never even asked him.
I’ve missed school, work, and social events to translate for them. He’s been here three months and hasn’t lifted a finger.
Now I feel guilty.
I don’t want to abandon them, but I also don’t want to keep carrying this alone just because I was born here and he wasn’t.
AITA?
She should start charging them per hour.
Let’s see what Reddit thinks about this.
Exactly.
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A reader shares some thoughts.
Because they’re used to using her.
Good to know!
Another reader chimes in.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about an employee who cleverly shuts down customer arguments about closing time.
Food for thought.
OP refused to miss another work shift and asked her capable adult brother to share a responsibility she had carried since childhood.
Her parents could divide routine tasks between both siblings and request qualified interpreters for important appointments instead of treating one daughter as permanently on call.
The golden child arrived with decent English, two functioning hands, and a mysterious premium exemption from actually helping the family.
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