You might think that people asking you what your problem is seem rhetorical. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but if you’ve got the right response in your back pocket, it really doesn’t matter, right?

And these people think they’ve got the perfect one crafted and ready to go.

At a minimum.

“How much do you want to know?”

Then have a 4 hour mental breakdown.

If you want the occasional chuckle.

Like right now or just in general?

I answer this when i’m in a Team Meeting call and my supervisor is Like “are there any other issues?” And I’m Like “Work related or private?”

Get’s a chuckle now and then.

Best to be blunt.

I had two coworkers do this to me today

i responded with “at the moment you two.”

Like free therapy.

Take a deep breath, thank them for their concern and actually start talking about your problems, all of them.

Think of it like free therapy.

If they try to flee from you don’t worry they’re just trying to help you with some added exercise therapy, just give chase and continue to shout your problems at them until you have them cornered and finish or you feel better.

Thank them again and go about your day as the happier less burdened individual.

Just to confuse them.

Yell random things in my native language. Works 75% of the time

Edit: my native language is vietnamese, i also know a bit of german so i try to mix both of them in to add a bit more confusion

A quick dopamine hit.

This is one tactic where ADHD actually is a superpower.

Just a stream-of-consciousness verbal onslaught about everything currently on your mind, including those smaller thoughts that are always running in the back of your mind.

And the run will be a quick dopamine hit

Double the fun.

Break down crying. It’s a power move and relieves stress.

I did this by accident once. A rep from my health insurance called and asked how I was. I just broke down. I think I startled her.

Just ask up front.

“how much time do you have?”

I’ve also gone with “would you like the list alphabetical or chronological?”

Simple and literal.

I knew an older guy from Ghana who would always reply with “my problem is you” in his thick Ghanian accent.

He was an orphan child and made a life for himself in the UK, worked security everyday till he passed away a few weeks ago aged close to 80.

ESL insults are so perfect, so simple and literal but somehow more effective

Would you like flash cards?

“There is an alphabetical list of shit that is wrong with me, but you have to sort these flash cards – they are not in alphabetical order because I can’t read and I don’t know where these flash cards came from.”

Endlessly ramble.

“Oh my God I’m so glad you asked. It’s been a real doozy of a decade for me so far. How much time do you have? Maybe I’ll grab you a water or something.

In 2014, I..”

Just endlessly ramble about random s*%t from the last ten years or so.

Get the picture?

“A$$holes asking me what my problem is.

Bellends asking me what my problem is.

Do you really need the C or do you get the picture?”

None of your business.

Best response is to say “Oh didn’t I tell you?” When they say no respond with “Then it must not be any of your business.”

Get the free drink.

“Buy me a beer and I’ll happily tell you about my problems”

May as well get a free drink from them if they are going to be a d*%k.

People are so clever, don’t you think?

I’m happy there’s the internet so I don’t have to come up with my own!