When you’re attempting to find your way with a new(ish) partners’ family, there are often missteps and situations that cause surprise reactions.

For OP, it was her boyfriend’s grandmother asking what her GPA was at his graduation.

My (20F) boyfriend (20M) of 1.5 years graduated college in May with a 4.0 GPA with an objectively easier degree (his words). I’m an engineering major who graduates next May (2024).

I attended graduation with his parents and grandma. I had met his parents several times before and Grandma for the first time the night before.

Before the ceremony started there was some time for us to talk, when the conversation turned towards academia. Grandma asked me “What was BF’s GPA?” and I answered “4.0.” Then Grandma asked, “What’s your GPA?”

I was taken aback, and answered mine (3.538). There was another very awkward pause. His mom (same major as me) then swooped in and said “that’s good! I graduated with a 3.3 or something.”

OP explains that she has a lot of trauma over the issue of grades and GPA, due to the way her parents acted while raising her, and though grandma obviously didn’t know this, OP barely held it together.

What Grandma did not know is that my crazy parents equated my worth as a person with my high school GPA. I was yelled at if I brought a grade home less than an A, and they once asked me to get my “A-” grades up to “A.”

I took dual enrollment classes at the same institution that one parent of mine is a professor at; that parent emailed their colleagues to check up on me. Because I was a minor (16/17) at that time, parent was legally allowed to access my grades. An AP English teacher gave me a B as my semester grade in junior year and my parents took my report card, yelled at me, and immediately went to the principal.

They pulled out my old essays when talking to the principal as to why I deserved an A and tried to get the teacher fired, but the principal gave me an A since I passed the AP exam. Everyone was happy, so we moved on with life. They have since lessened up a bit, but don’t want to see any Cs.

After that I was fighting back tears throughout the whole graduation. I felt physically sick and considered leaving halfway through and going back to my apartment.

After she got home, she begged off going to the graduation dinner because she did not feel able to get her emotions fully under control.

I ended up sobbing in the car on the way home and telling him what grandma said. He is aware on my parents’ stance on grades and how it affects me.

That night, I skipped his graduation dinner because I was crying and still shaken. I didn’t want to see Grandma again.

Once his family got wind of the reason she didn’t show up, though, they were hell-bent on judging her for it.

His mom was furious and said she never wanted to see me again until BF explained the situation. His dad became sympathetic; mom swept it under the rug and pretended she never said what she said. I’m sure if anyone ever told Grandma about what she said, but I haven’t seen any of them since then.

However, this is still a frequent topic of discussion between me and my boyfriend. He thinks I’m the one who damaged the relationship between me and his parents and that I’m at fault and need a little more control over my emotions because the GPA question is a “common one to ask to students.”

He also knows I have my first therapy appointment in August when I get back to our college town and we are both looking forward to it. I don’t feel like I’m at fault since I have been deprived of the emotional regulation skills a therapist could provide and can’t help that my parents were jerks, but I can also see his point.

So, AITA?

Now she’s asking Reddit to do the same thing, and we’ve got a bit of a fight in the comments.

The top comment says OP wasn’t a jerk but that she probably needs therapy for her own benefit.

This person doesn’t agree, thinking OP needs to take responsibility for her own mental health.

And this commenter says no one is right, because the boyfriend did not need to air her trauma to his family.

This person pushed back on the idea that it should be so easy for OP to fix herself.

This comment suggests OP actually did everything perfectly.

I don’t really see OP blaming anyone else for her response, and she knows she needs help.

What else, exactly, was she supposed to do?