Grief is an emotion that everyone experiences differently. And here’s the thing – “getting over it” takes as long as it takes.

OP’s daughter was unfortunately born on the same day that his sister-in-law passed away. He anticipated his brother being upset and deep in his grief on that day, but his brother insisted he didn’t want to take the spotlight from OP’s 1yo.

Last week marked the anniversary of my brother’s wife passing, coincidentally on the same day my daughter was born.

My wife and I have been planning her first birthday party for weeks, and the entire family was looking forward to it, especially given that she’s the first grandchild and niece.

Understanding the significance of the day for my brother, I checked in with him beforehand. He mentioned not planning anything special to honor his late wife, expressing concern about “stealing the spotlight” from my daughter’s celebration.

I reassured him that it was important for him to commemorate his own feelings on this significant day. He chose not to, and attended my daughter’s party instead.

The day of the party, grief caught up with his brother. He was crying and clearly struggling with the whole process. OP says everyone there setting up was understanding and sympathetic.

Fast forward to the day of the party. The family is busy setting up, and my brother starts silently crying, the intensity of which seems to increase progressively.

When my sister asked him what was wrong, he shared that seeing everyone celebrate on a day that held personal sadness for him was difficult.

We all tried our best to comfort him.

When his brother couldn’t shake it off and was instead “bringing down” the mood of the party, OP asked him to leave.

As the party went on, my brother’s mood didn’t change. Multiple times, he managed to bring up his late wife’s passing to my friends, detailing the heartbreak of losing her on the same day. Also Sharing the details of her passing.

While the kids were playing, and everyone else was having a good time, my brother seemed stuck in his grief, casting a shadow over the celebration.

Frustrated and feeling the party’s mood being dampened, I approached him and told him to leave if he couldn’t be positive and enjoy the moment. He left, upset.

His mother is making him feel badly about it now, so he’s starting to wonder whether or not he wasn’t sensitive enough to what his brother is going through.

After the party my mom confronted me, saying it was cruel to ask him to leave. According to her, I’m the jerk because he wasn’t bothering anyone and was just grieving.

I feel as though he was being negative the entire time and making the party about him, but after what my mother said I kind of feel terrible about asking him to leave.

AITA?

Woof. Let’s let Reddit loose on this one.

The top comment says OP could have handled this way better, with the same result.

This person, though, thinks some of the blame lies with the brother.

But this commenter disagrees, saying all of this could have been a Catch-22 for the brother.

They say OP could have held the party on a different day, as the baby would hardly have known.

This person says the brother should have sucked it up for a day.

I agree with the idea of moving the party to another day.

The brother’s grieving deserves to be prioritized, especially on a big anniversary.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.