There is definitely truth to the statement that you never know what goes on behind closed doors, or that you never know what someone is going through until you’ve walked in their shoes.

That said, I think most mothers would agree that when it comes to your kid, you still have to follow your gut.

OP’s brother is married to a woman with a daughter who has special needs. OP and her husband have a little girl who is a few years younger.

I (32f) have a brother, “Charles” (38m) who has a girlfriend, “Claire” (35f). Claire has a daughter, “Ruby” (8f), who has additional needs (this will be relevant), and I have a daughter “Bea” (4).

Since they met their sister-in-law, she has been in love with their daughter. Every time they are together she fawns over the little girl and generally just makes a fuss.

For some context, Claire loves my daughter, which is great. She will volunteer to babysit her (I don’t need babysitting as I’m a SAHM and my mother is nearby for emergencies) unprompted, and whenever we see her at events she always wants to play with Bea.

Bea loves her and it’s nice to see, but it is noticeable how she will spend a whole afternoon fussing over Bea even when me and my husband are perfectly capable of looking after her.

But again, she’s great with Bea so we don’t mind.

Their families are going to be together over the holidays, and her sister-in-law wants to have some “kid swap” days where they care for each other’s kids.

We are all, along with my mine and Charles’s parents, going to be on a family holiday over Christmas.

Claire was originally not bringing Ruby as she was meant to be staying with her father but her dad is a flake and cancelled so Claire is now bringing her.

A couple of days ago Claire and I were texting about what to pack for the trip as I was lending her some clothes. During this, I sent her a picture of what I was packing for Bea to give her some idea of what Ruby would need, and Claire said she was really looking forward to seeing Bea.

She then suggested for a couple of days during the holiday we do a “kid swap” where we babysit each other’s kids for the day.

OP doesn’t want to, as she wants to spend time with her own daughter and also she’s not comfortable caring for her niece’s special needs on her own.

I was immediately not keen on this idea, as I have only met Ruby twice and I know nothing about her needs or how to properly look after her.

Also, I come on holiday to spend time with my child, not farm her out to other people.

I skirted around the issue, saying we could definitely do things together but Claire kept pushing me to agree. She wanted her and Charles to take Bea for a day to go ice skating.

This back and forth went on for a while before I finally said no, I’m not letting you borrow my child, you already have one.

Claire said I was being unfair and that she deserves a break and to have an enjoyable holiday, too. She then said she didn’t want to borrow my clothes anymore and stopped texting me.

Should she just suck it up and do what her sister-in-law wants, or should she stand her ground?

Charles is now saying she’s very hurt that I won’t let her take Bea out, and that Claire adores her.

I said that’s not the point, I’m not comfortable caring for Ruby on my own and frankly I find it a bit odd that Claire’s idea of a break from parenting involves babysitting.

Charles says I’m massively overdramatising and that babysitting Ruby for a few hours doesn’t need a degree and I should just help Claire out. Now I’m wondering if he’s right.

AITA?

Let’s find out what Reddit thinks!

The top commenter doesn’t disagree with OP, but she does have some questions.

This person sympathizes with the SIL, but thinks she needs professional help.

Others think maybe OP is overreacting.

And this commenter wonders if the sister-in-law wasn’t asking too much too soon.

This person is definitely getting a weird vibe.

I don’t think the SIL is up to anything weird, but I do think she needs help.

It’s just not OP’s job to give it if she’s not comfortable.

If you liked that post, check this one about a guy who got revenge on his condo by making his own Christmas light rules.