April 20, 2024 at 5:32 pm

He Changed Jobs To Spend More Time At Home With Their Kids. Now His Wife Says She’s Not Paying More Than Half The Expenses.

by Trisha Leigh

Source: Shutterstock/Reddit

Relationships, marriage, and co-parenting are roles that so many of us find are not at all easy once we’ve already gone too far to back out.

That’s where compromise comes in, and hopefully a supportive partner – but what if you find you don’t have either one?

This husband, father, and stepfather agreed to split finances with his wife when they married.

I have been married to Stella for 7 years now.

Together we have 5 children, daughters from my previous relationship (Kira 11 and May 7), a son and daughter from Stella (Brianna 13 and Jayden 8), and a son together (Lucas 2).

My two are 50/50 custody, while my stepchildren only see their bio father every second weekend.

My wife and I agreed to split finances and have mostly kept separate, aside from a joint account for essentials (bills, groceries, house etc).

After a time, their children asked them to cut back hours because they were spending too much time apart.

We both used to be high earners, though had terrible hours.

When our parental leave for Lucas was finishing, our children BEGGED us not to go back to work, that they hated the before/after school care and wanted us.

He took a lower paying job to be home more, and everyone has been happy.

In the end, my wife went back but I quit and got a new job.

It was much lower pay, but essentially school hours so I was able to be there for our kids.

Stella has been paying more of our joint expenses, but otherwise it’s been fine.

I wouldn’t say the split has been firm though, I do buy stuff for my stepchildren or pay when I take them all out, it’s more the big payments that are separate.

Then, he realized he would not be able to pay for his daughter’s private school tuition and asked his wife to help with half.

Brianna goes to a private high school.

I was talking about high schools to my sister, since Kira is year 6, and realised that on my current pay I won’t be able to afford to send her with her sister.

My ex is barely willing to pay the costs related to public school, let alone a private one.

The school is so much better than the nearby public school, and I know Kira wants to go to her sisters school, so I tried to talk to Stella and asked if she would be willing to help.

It’s education, and she’s close with my daughters, so it’s not like I’m asking her to pay for something crazy.

She refused.

Stella refused. And I would have accepted it, even though I was annoyed.

But she went on saying that I knew we were split finances and I “made my choice” when I took the lower pay job.

That I got more time for less money, so I can’t complain that I’m paid less.

I got pretty upset about that. I didn’t stay home for fun, it was for our family, our children.

I loved my job, but I had to sacrifice it for them (it was worth of course, but still).

He tried convincing her that he was “paying” in other ways, like tending her children while she was working.

Stella basically said that it was my decision so tough luck, that she’s not going to finance me.

I got angry with that and told her that she knew the consequences of her job, so she can deal with her children then.

Her money won’t be used on mine, so I won’t use my extra time on hers, they can stay in care until our old hours.

Stella got pissed back, accusing me of using her for money and calling me a complete a—— for suggesting what I did for my stepchildren.

When she still couldn’t see it his way, he said fine then her kids could go back into daycare.

We argued pretty bad.

She thinks I’m being greedy, selfish and petty. But it’s not like I’m asking to mooch. I would still foot 50%, and get my ex to contribute as much as I can get her to.

Yes it was my choice, but it was for ALL the children, for our family. Besides I literally take care of my step children more than my own (85% v 50%).

I’m not just being lazy or focusing on my own children, I’ve been there for them all.

So I think it’s frankly unfair for her to refuse to help even a little.

But obviously she thinks I’m being an a——.

They’re at a stalemate.

Does Reddit choose a side? Let’s find out which!

The top comment says it seems like they need to work on their communication.

Source: Reddit/AITA

These are the types of changes everyone has to agree on.

Source: Reddit/AITA

But they should also know there’s no way to really keep finances separate in a marriage with kids.

Source: Reddit/AITA

It wasn’t like they couldn’t have seen this coming.

Source: Reddit/AITA

It seems like we really need her point-of-view on this one.

Source: Reddit/AITA

I’m not sure this marriage is going to last.

Which is sad, considering that the (step)dad really seems to care about his kids.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.