Sibling rivalry can get messy, especially when one child feels left in the shadows.

This mom tried to be honest with her 16-year-old daughter, explaining why her high-achieving brother gets celebrated more.

But the truth didn’t land well, sparking a heated argument and lots of hurt feelings.

Check out the details and decide whether or not you agree.

AITA for telling my daughter she actually has to do things to get celebrated

I have a 16-year-old daughter, Katty, and a 14-year-old Jake. Jake is more of an achiever.

He’s involved in sports, does great in school, and recently won an award for community volunteering.

We have been celebrating his achievements, usually with a dinner out.

Katty, on the other hand, doesn’t do much.

She hasn’t been putting effort into anything lately.

She basically just goes to school and then exists in the house.

I can already smell the jealousy from here.

She spends her free time on her phone or watching TV, doesn’t have any hobbies or interests outside of her friend group, and doesn’t put much effort into schoolwork.

This results in her not getting many celebration outside of her birthday.

We stopped forcing her to do sports or other clubs when she hit high school.

Katty came to me and said she feels like it’s unfair we celebrate Jake, and I decided to have a conversation with her.

I sat her down and explained that we love her just as much, but if she wants to be celebrated like Jake, she needs to put effort into something.

Rules are rules, okay?

I suggested she try finding something she’s passionate about or work harder in school.

That she should make her own goals to work towards.

I thought I was being honest but gentle.

Katty did not take it well.

She exploded, accusing me of playing favorites and said it was unfair that Jake gets all the attention just because he’s always doing things.

She even lashed out at Jake, telling him that he was “the golden child” and she was tired of hearing about how great he was.

Yikes.

Jake was hurt by her outburst, and now things are awkward between them.

Katty has been avoiding both me and her brother since then, staying in her room or giving us the silent treatment.

My husband thinks I could have phrased it better, but I believe this was an important reality check for her.

If she isn’t doing anything then there isn’t anything to celebrate.

Was this a tough love moment that went too far, or is it fair to expect effort before giving out praise?

Reddit is a little unsure.

This person makes the distinction between effort vs. achievement.

This person has a decent point about comparisons.

And this person brings up some solid questions as well.

Maybe next time, Mom should focus less on “tough love” and more on supporting both her kids equally.

Although this could be a necessary but tough life lesson.

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.