Every family is different, and there are many things that go into these relationships, but it all needs to start with love and respect.

What would you do if your step-daughter excluded your daughter from her baby shower, so you didn’t attend either, but your step-daughter kept texting to demand the gifts you got her?

That is what happened to the stepmother in this story, so while she did give her the gifts eventually, she had her husband give them and is creating some boundaries. She wonders if she was out of line for how she handled the situation.

Personally, I think the step-daughter is behaving poorly here. Read through the full story below and see if you agree.

AITAH for refusing to take stepdaughter the baby gifts I got her

My (43f) stepdaughter (23f) Sally, invited me to her baby shower, along with her sisters (Leigh 25, Cali 25, and Amanda 13).

Scheduling these things can be difficult.

We were all over at my parents’ house for a cookout. We usually do all holidays there since my mother has dementia, also important, and I go over every weekend to give my dad some much needed time away from home.

When she invited us, Leigh let her know she could not go the end weekend of the month, this is important, as she works that weekend.

It is rare that everyone can attend an event.

When the date was announced it was May 30th, so Leigh was not going to be able to attend. Leigh said that was alright as she understood Sally’s mom planned the baby shower and she would just do something with Sally at a later time.

Cali, Amanda, and I really enjoyed shopping for the little one. Sally let us know she was having a boy and they were doing Winnie the Pooh for the baby room.

They are being very generous.

We went all out. My husband and I got the video baby monitor they were wanting, with an extra camera. Tons of baby clothes all 6-12 months since most people buy new born-3 months. I actually had Sally over to give her some things because I went a little overboard.

The day before the shower arrives, Sally sends a message in the family group chat that says, I’m so excited to see everyone at the baby shower tomorrow.

Why isn’t she responding? This should have been sorted out long ago.

As a reminder, the shower is for people 20 and up only, no children allowed. Amanda gets very upset and messages to ask if that includes her (remember, she is 13). Sally never responded.

The next morning comes and I respond, since we’ve still not heard from Sally, that if Amanda was not welcome to come and celebrate her first nephew and her sister then I would just drop my gifts at Sally’s another time.

Honestly, this is a difficult situation.

Still no response. Keep in mind, she had invited Amanda at the cookout and had never said anything about it being an adult only occasion.

Cali also decides not to go because now Sally has excluded Leigh and Amanda and she felt it was extremely rude, especially to wait until the day before.

Bold to message and ask when she will be getting gifts.

A whole week goes by and no one hears anything from Sally, but we did hear from my DIL that Sally is moving to be closer to her bio mom at the end of July.

Sally messages me that Friday and also when I’m planning on dropping off the baby gifts. I let her know I’m at work and can’t just now.

This would be irritating, for sure.

Another week and she messages me on Saturday asking if I can drop off the gifts or if she should come by and pick them up.

As I said, on the weekends I am with my mom who has dementia, and at this point it’s been two weeks that the only thing I’ve heard from Sally is when are you dropping off gifts.

That’s a reasonable text. But why is her bio-mom getting involved?

I lost it, and this is where I may be in the wrong. I text her, “Honestly I’m tired of feeling used. You’ve broken your sisters’ and your dad’s heart. You’ve left the family out of everything including the gender reveal, and didn’t even bother to tell us you’re moving. I’m not bringing the gifts by.”

The next thing I know is her mother is texting me.

They shouldn’t have talked about this unless they got the house.

A little back story. While my husband and I were searching for a new house, we had found one with an apartment out back and told Sally if we got that house she could move into that apartment.

We ended up not buying that house and got a smaller one. Sally came to us asking if she and her boyfriend could move in, this was about two years ago.

Wow, this is manipulative.

We told her we didn’t have room as Amanda, and her two brothers had the other rooms, and in fact one brother was in the basement that was unfinished.

Two weeks later she shows up with her boyfriend, her mom, and all their (Sally and the boyfriend’s) stuff saying her mom got a new house with only two bedrooms and they could not stay there.

They have been very generous to her.

So, we split the basement in half because what else can we do, and give them half. We spoke with them and the agreement was $200/person since neither of them were working we agreed to start in two months to give them time to get a job.

He got a job, she never did. At one point the basement flooded because Sally unplugged the sump pump to plug in her tv. Cue the cleanup. All of this is thrown in my face by her mom.

The step-daughter and bio-mom seem a bit entitled.

She messages me saying this is the last time I will make her daughter cry. That when the basement flooded Sally got hurt and we did nothing. (I offered to take her to the ER, she twisted her ankle, she refused and called her mom to take her instead).

That we charged them $400 to stay in an unfinished basement after we invited them to move in with us. So, if anyone is using someone it’s me using her daughter.

She still got the gifts, but I’m sure she isn’t happy.

Sally still got her gifts, her dad took them to her. But was I wrong for refusing to take them?

This has been weighing heavily on my mind. I have great relationships with all my step children, but Sally has never liked me no matter what I do.

AITA?

No. Sally seems to be very entitled and spoiled, and her bio-mom is enabling that. While you don’t want to cut your kids out of your life, you can’t let them keep controlling you like this.

Read on to see what the people in the comments think she should do.

Texting to ask for the gifts was tacky at a minimum.

Here is someone who wouldn’t give them any gifts.

If you enjoyed this post, check out this story about a single person who is dumbfounded when her friends insist couples count as one person when splitting a check.

This commenter thinks the step-mom needs to put her foot down.

Don’t let yourself be treated like an ATM.

Her step-daughter is entitled and manipulative, so putting up some boundaries makes sense. In this situation, I think the dad needs to take a more active role to hold his daughter accountable.

They shouldn’t cut her out of their lives, of course, but they also can’t allow themselves to be treated this way.