She Kept Getting Left Out of Her Friend Group’s Plans — So She Finally Asked Where She Actually Stands
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Being told “you should’ve been there” hits differently when you were never actually invited in the first place.
One woman grew increasingly upset with her friend group after noticing a pattern where she kept missing out on shows, hangouts, and even a group vacation without ever being asked along.
Every time it came up afterward, her friends framed her absence like it was somehow her choice, never acknowledging that she simply hadn’t been included.
She estimated she was only invited to about half of what the group did together, and staying quiet felt safer than risking the entire friendship.
But with these four people making up her entire social circle, being continuously excluded is starting to really weigh on her.
You’ll want to keep reading for this one.
AITA for being upset that my friends keep telling me I “should have come” to things I was never invited to?
I (26F) am really confused about where I stand with my friend group.
There are five of us. I’ve been friends with one of them for almost 20 years, and I met the other three through an activity around four years ago.
She explains a rift that’s begun to form between the friends.
Now there are two couples and me. I don’t expect to be invited to everything, but lately there’s been a pattern that’s really bothering me.
They’ll talk about a show they watched together, I’ll say I haven’t seen it because I don’t have the streaming service, and they’ll say, “You should’ve come over and watched it with us!” But I wasn’t invited.
Still, they act like she was somehow in the wrong for not going.
They recently went on vacation together, and afterward kept saying things like, “You should’ve been there, you would’ve had so much fun.”
Again, I would have gone in a heartbeat, but nobody asked me.
She hesitates to confront them directly, and for good reason.
I’d say I’m invited to maybe half the things they do. I don’t want to bring it up because two of them are pretty sensitive to criticism, and honestly I’m scared that saying something will make things worse and I’ll stop getting invited to anything.
This is starting to really impact her life as a whole.
The bigger issue is that these are genuinely my only friends. I work and go to school, and these four people are basically my entire social life. I don’t have another group to fall back on.
So I don’t know what to do.
She turns to Reddit for ideas.
Should I just be grateful for the things I am invited to and stop caring about the rest? Should I bring it up privately with my best friend?
Or am I justified in being hurt when people repeatedly tell me I “should’ve been there” for things I was never invited to?
This is a tough one.
Commenters chime in with their takes.
If it were this user, they’d start being more direct.
If hurt feelings are left unaddressed for too long, it can turn into resentment.
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Why not just address it head on?
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man who deliberately kisses his newborn nephew while sick with a cold, going directly against the parents’ explicit wishes.
There’s more than one way to win in this situation.
Being left out occasionally is normal, but being left out of half the group’s activities while getting told you should’ve shown up is not.
Her friends have clearly made this kind of behavior a habit, and so far, no one else besides her has noticed how hurtful it is.
When you depend heavily on a small number of friends, it’s harder to hold them accountable when things go wrong, but it also makes it even more necessary to protect those relationships.
A friendship should be able to withstand one honest conversation, and if it’s not, maybe it’s time to move on.
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