September 16, 2026 at 7:15 am

She Qualified for a Fully Funded STEM Doctorate—Then Her Parents Demanded She Take a Local Desk Job to Pay Her Older Brother’s Debts

by Matthew Gilligan

woman with her parents

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You only get one chance to be young and, for most folks, there’s only one shot to pursue your dreams.

And there are some people who never even get that one shot…so when it’s right in front of you, you have to grab it and go for it!

But some people’s family members don’t see it that way…

The young woman who wrote today’s story is having a real crisis because she wants to pursue her higher education, but her parents are giving her a hard time about it and they want her to abandon her ambitions.

Let’s take a look at what she’s dealing with.

WIBTAH if I pursue a PhD despite my family’s financial struggles?

“Recently me and my parents have been arguing over myself pursuing a PhD in ECE. We’ve been going back and forth over it for awhile, and they’ve called it a selfish choice but I’ll just leave it up to debate.

She’s a smart cookie!

I’m 20F, finishing my bachelors in electrical engineering and a second one in a specialization of electrophysics at a T30 university.

I’ve published research papers, had an internship with Nvidia, and am in a strong position academically and would really like to pursue graduate studies to deepen my knowledge but also to work in microchip development as most roles require a masters or a PhD.

However, I come from an immigrant parent background, and my parents have worked hard to raise me and my two siblings.

They have been constantly bringing up the idea of retiring soon and since my two younger brothers are still in high school and first year of college respectively, we obviously need the income for them to retire.

She’s really going above and beyond…

I work 25 hours a week and a chunk of that income pays the bills and some more for my family but I can’t single-handedly support the entire family by myself.

Furthermore, my parents are fully willing to support one of my brothers to go to medical school if they can pay it, even though that means he won’t be able to contribute to the family for like years until he finishes that.

That means I’ll have to work for years until he, or my other brother in high school can have an income.

She’s right, this isn’t fair!

This is where my issue comes in. I feel like it isn’t fair for me to give up my goals. I know it sounds selfish, but I’ve worked tirelessly for years- for my scholarships to graduate this year debt-free, for my experience, for my publications- I don’t want to just…give it up.

I feel guilty that my parents can’t retire after working hard for years, but how come it has to be me giving up something for them?

It doesn’t help that they’d be supportive for my brother to pursue his dream of being a doctor, but I have to stop my education to start working to support the entire family.

So, with all that being said, WIBTAH if I went for a PhD anyway?”

Let’s see what readers had to say about this.

This person offered some advice.

Screenshot 2026 09 11 at 1.19.10 PM She Qualified for a Fully Funded STEM Doctorate—Then Her Parents Demanded She Take a Local Desk Job to Pay Her Older Brothers Debts

Another Reddit user nailed it.

Screenshot 2026 09 11 at 1.19.17 PM She Qualified for a Fully Funded STEM Doctorate—Then Her Parents Demanded She Take a Local Desk Job to Pay Her Older Brothers Debts

This individual shared their thoughts.

Screenshot 2026 09 11 at 1.19.27 PM She Qualified for a Fully Funded STEM Doctorate—Then Her Parents Demanded She Take a Local Desk Job to Pay Her Older Brothers Debts

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Another person said she’s NTA.

Screenshot 2026 09 11 at 1.19.36 PM She Qualified for a Fully Funded STEM Doctorate—Then Her Parents Demanded She Take a Local Desk Job to Pay Her Older Brothers Debts

And this reader weighed in.

Screenshot 2026 09 11 at 1.19.56 PM She Qualified for a Fully Funded STEM Doctorate—Then Her Parents Demanded She Take a Local Desk Job to Pay Her Older Brothers Debts

Man, her parents are something else…

They’re clearly overbearing AND pretty selfish.

But I think this is HER time.

She needs to follow her dreams…it’s now or never!

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