Shutterstock

A death in the family can have a devastating impact on everyone, and can change they way people act toward each other.

What would you do if since your father’s death, your older brother has become very controlling about many things?

That is what happened to the young woman in this story, and when she sent him money to pay for the brakes on the car she drives, he flipped out and became irate because he wanted to be able to drive the car too.

It is a weird situation, but I can see why she doesn’t feel safe there. Read through the full story below and see what you think she should do.

AITAH for paying my brother back for brakes for the car I drive?

I, F21, had my brother M25 and my mom get super mad at me over sending him the money for rotors and brakes.

What a heartbreaking event.

Context, my dad passed away unexpectedly a year ago and ever since then, my brother has been all about control.

I have paid for this car ever since then, maintenance and all. The title is NOT under my name. All 3 cars were under my dads name, we transferred to my moms name.

Everyone has ‘their’ car, even if it isn’t in their own name.

3 total cars and 3 people. You’d think it’s straightforward right? But nope!

I drive to my job every day, I work full time while taking summer classes and preparing for my last semester to graduate. I commute to school as well. So, the car is important since it’s my mode of transportation.

What exactly is his brother mad about?

Anyways, it’s been needing a brake change and I told them sure, I can pay for it. So, the parts came yesterday and I sent my brother the full amount.

Then he banged on my door at 1 AM started getting mad and yelling and cussing me out that he doesn’t want my money. Ridiculous right?

Let’s see what else is going on.

Even more context: the car has been an issue. We have 3 cars and my brother likes to swap around when gas gets empty in his own.

I set my boundaries and told him no, because I pay for my gas and I’m not going to keep filling it up for him at his grown age.

Her brother sounds like an entitled jerk.

He’s in medical school and constantly uses that as an excuse – that he’s not making income yet and he has student loans.

He’s even said “you’re not in the big boy leagues okay? Us medical students have loans under our name I will make so much more than you I could buy you and a bunch of people out”.

Maybe she needs to find her own place to live.

I have started documenting everything and recording all interactions since it’s become really scary at home. I am scared. Like actually really scared as I write this crying.

My mother also sides with him often. Then I’ll tell her my side and she sides with him.

She should get the car into her own name, or buy a new one.

The reason he’s so upset over the brakes is that if I pay for the brakes and maintenance like I’ve promised, then technically there is no reason for him to be driving it (aka it proves me right).

But, I’m sure he got mad over the money transfer since if HE is the one who paid for parts, then technically he should be able to drive it and hold it over my head like he does for other things.

It is past time for some strict boundaries.

And it’s ridiculous that they want me to pay 1000 insurance on the car but then make a big deal when I pay for the brakes as well.

I’ve NEVER heard this stuff in my life. My brother wants control, he wants to be able to pay for it so he can drive the car.

Everyone is grieving, but not in a healthy way.

I’m going to call my university for emergency housing. Hopefully I can figure something out.

My mom said she wants me out of the house after having a screaming match with her over CAR BRAKES this morning.

Let’s hope she can find somewhere safe to live.

So, I’m homeless. I sometimes wish I did it last year.

AITA?

Never Miss a Story

Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.

This is a horrible situation, and she needs to get some distance right away. Hopefully once she has her own place, everyone can calm down.

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

Maybe she can buy the vehicle from her mom.

She does need to plan to get a different vehicle.

This is pretty funny. Or pathetic.

Mom has clearly picked her favorite.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a mother who thinks it’s the school’s job to discipline her unruly child, not hers.

This commenter hopes she can get out of the house without too much trouble.

She needs to get some distance from her family and establish independence. Remaining in the house is going to be unstable, at least for now. That being said, she will also need to get her own car.

Add TwistedSifter to your Google News Add us as a preferred source on Google

Author

Michael Levanduski

Senior Contributing Editor, Workplace & Community

Michael Levanduski is a veteran journalist and digital culture specialist with over 15 years of professional writing and research experience. While his background spans emerging technology and complex technical subjects, Michael specializes in analyzing workplace ethics, property disputes, and viral interpersonal dynamics across modern digital forums.

Since joining TwistedSifter in 2024, Michael has authored some of the publication’s most widely read coverage on corporate policy, malicious compliance, and neighborhood relations. Rather than simply aggregating online debates, he brings rigorous research, organizational context, and an empathetic editorial voice to everyday human dilemmas—transforming raw forum discussions into insightful, highly engaging narratives.

When he isn’t covering internet culture, Michael enjoys traveling, keeping up with tech trends, and spending time with his family. Connect with Michael on LinkedIn and Facebook.