Canva

Losing a parent leaves grief that no new family member can simply rename or replace.

How many times should a teenager refuse adoption before the adults finally accept his answer?

After fourteen requests, this young man gave a painfully honest response during family therapy.

Check out the full story here.

AITA for saying I never want to be adopted by my stepmother?

I (16M) lost my mom when I was 7. My dad met my stepmother a year later and they dated for a year before getting married.

At the time it wasn’t just me at home but my cousins who were like siblings who were 14 and 17. My parents had been raising them because their mom, my paternal aunt, had died.

Once dad remarried they didn’t want to be with us anymore.

Or more specifically they didn’t want my stepmother stepping into mom’s shoes and they fought to go and stay with other family.

Ouch.

We kept in touch and are just as close as ever. But they did not want someone else coming in and trying to fill in as their mom. And my stepmother did try.

She tried with me too. But I didn’t want it either. Only I couldn’t leave. So I had to deal with her trying and trying and trying.

She asked to adopt me 9 times in the first three years and she’s asked 5 more times since those first three years. I always said no.

Talk about persistence.

My dad would pull me aside and ask me why every time and he’d remind me that I would still be mom’s son and she’d still be my mom but I’d have a second mom. I told him I didn’t care if I could because I still didn’t want to.

When he’d push it more I’d tell him that I wish I could have left with my siblings. He told me I shouldn’t wish for that and they should have stayed because they overreacted.

I told him we all felt like he went out and replaced mom because he just tried to make her our new mom. He told me that wasn’t fair and I told him he wasn’t fair and I didn’t want to talk to him again.

So much pressure.

We talked again of course but the questions around it didn’t end. And then my dad told us we had a session with a therapist for the three of us. A one off kind of thing.

In front of the therapist they asked me if I would ever consider being adopted by her and what could they do to make me open to the suggestion.

I told them nothing would convince me or make me willing because I didn’t want to be adopted and I didn’t care how long it was or what my stepmother does because she can never make me love or or make me want to be her son.

And that’s final.

They were hurt and asked would I reconsider if I knew she always wanted kids and doesn’t have them and I said no.

Now my dad is angry at me because I hurt her and she’s feeling unwanted and rejected by all three of us.

AITA?

Never Miss a Story

Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.

His refusal has left his dad and stepmom feeling hurt and rejected, but he’s sticking to his boundaries and his own sense of family.

This person has a motive in mind.

This person has an idea of what to do next.

And this person has a solid point.

This teenager is not wrong for refusing adoption because love, identity, and legal family bonds cannot be created through persistence or guilt.

His father and stepmother intensified the rejection by asking fourteen times, and repairing things begins with accepting the relationship he actually permits.

Adoption is not a software update they can keep prompting until he clicks accept.

Add TwistedSifter to your Google News Add us as a preferred source on Google

Author

Chris Allen