He Missed His Daughter’s 4th Birthday For A High-Level Work Event, And His Wife Says It’s Part Of A Pattern
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Sometimes, work really does get in the way, but that doesn’t make missing an important family moment any easier.
One dad had already planned to take half the day off for his daughter’s fourth birthday so they could celebrate together.
Unfortunately, though, his boss’s boss asked him to attend a high-level event because nobody else from the department was available.
Even though it meant missing his daughter’s birthday, he agreed to go and figured he could make it up to her later in the week.
The only problem was that his wife was furious and said this was just another example of him not putting enough effort into making special days feel important.
Keep reading to see how the whole thing played out.
AITAH for working on my daughter’s 4th birthday after taking it off?
My daughter turns 4 this week, and I had planned to take half a day off to spend time with her, my wife, and my other daughter to celebrate her birthday.
Unfortunately, this morning, my boss’s boss requested that I attend a high-level event in their place. The event requires that someone from our department attend and present, and as it happens, my boss is also unable to attend, so that leaves me.
I agreed and wanted to take a day off later in the week to make it up to my daughter.
The event requires him to be gone all day, so his wife is upset.
This requires that I leave early and drive 2 hours to get there. The event is all day, and I will be back home around 5:30–6 PM, which means I won’t see my daughter at all because she goes to bed at around 6 PM. (She wakes up early. We all do.)
My wife is extremely upset that I said I would go and won’t let me take her out of school to spend time with her later this week.
My wife says I’m not putting in any effort to make my daughter feel special on her day. There is a pattern where, for any special event or day with my kids or wife, she says I don’t do enough or make anyone feel special, and this is adding to that.
He sees his wife’s point, but doesn’t agree with it.
She states that me going to this event is pointless and stupid and has no merit, and that I’m missing our lives.
I will admit I’m not good at putting in the hours to make every event special, but I do try.
I get that this is on her birthday, that she only turns 4 once, and that this will be held over my head for the rest of my life by my wife.
He’s not really worried about it because he will make it up to his daughter.
But it’s not about my wife; it’s about my daughter, and I feel that if I can’t spend the time I wanted to with her on her birthday, I can and should be able to at any other time, regardless of how anyone feels about me.
As crappy as it sounds, in my mind, this is one day, even if it is her actual birthday, and it’s less about the one day and more about every other day that I am able to dedicate my care and attention to her and my family.
We are a single-income family, and I’m paid a good salary and have plenty of PTO I can use at any time. This is one of the few times outside of a natural disaster that I will be asked to work even if I have requested time off.
AITA?
Eek. It’s easy to see both sides, but his wife should at least consider that his job is what supports the family.
Let’s see how the readers over at Reddit feel about his decision.
This reader wants more info.
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These are good questions.
This does seem to be true.
For this person, it sounds like a bigger pattern of behavior.
He really needs to think about what he’s prioritizing here.
Kids grow up fast, and there are some moments you just don’t get back.
At the same time, he is the only one bringing in an income, so it’s understandable that he feels like he has to show up when work puts him in that position.
But if work keeps winning every time something important comes up, then he and his wife really need to figure out how they’re going to handle that going forward.
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